Howling at the Moon

.
Bridges shall burn, tall towers fall
Through dirt and grime and filth, you'll crawl
Red River runs, weeps through this desolate land
There be no saving grace for thee, no brave last stand

Who you are and who you've been
Memory shall be your greatest sin..
Lucid dreams that leave you weeping
Disbelief and torment is all you'll be keeping

Things gone right and things gone wrong
Shall dance along to an evanescent song
The truth lies buried in graves of the undead
Trapped in words you never said.

You wanted some, you had it all
And we are laughing even as we fall
The world will be yours, and yours alone
Every last hollow bleeding stone..
.

Sorry

Dear Sister,

How could you let them walk all over you?
Why didn't you walk away?
How could you stand and do nothing but watch?
Didn't you have a thing to say?

Why do you persist dear girl?
Why can't you let them be?
The heart's a fickle friend, babe
And today, his is with me.

-
love,
Mary J.

----------------
Now playing: Staind - Outside (Full band)
via FoxyTunes

I have a secret

Chips of rocks
floating down the hills
No further, no higher
Icarus burns in the sun
Wait, wait, wait for it to be night
Careful, it isn't one
Repeat, recycle, relive, repeat
Make it rain
with promises you shall pay for
over and over and over again
Forget forgiving freedom,
but never forgive forgetting freedom
Too many meanings
All is nothing and nothing is all
Rain down the river
even blood can melt the snow
Forget, repeat, forgive, recycle,
relive
and no one is free
but I have a secret.
hehehe
.

Sailor Rabbit

Just a little further
hopped the rabbit to the gnome
who chuckled and laughed at the little one
who thought he was going home
And the ships are set to sail
Won't you tell mother I've gone to sea?
The sky is a washed up blue
Don't miss me, don't miss me
He really wanted to stay
But I'm stuck in yesterday
And now it's all gone away
for all the ships are set to sail
Can't you see it's all a lie?
Little rabbit, swim ashore
It's a long long way home
but you can't trust us anymore
We're going far my friend
oh, but I fear it's all too late
The sky's a washed up blue
and the ship sails away
.

Untitled (Ophelia)

Dream that faded dream again
Watch the lilies wind away
And you turn to out-run the rain
If you'd only beg me to stay.
Giddy with mirth, she appears
Follow this path you shan't tread on
Watch me go, I carry your fears
and soon, it will have been too long
Seven steps ahead, and then a mile
Perhaps a plea shall slow us down?
Or perhaps we shall only smile
While I seem to forget not to drown
Lies? A mad girl does not lie
She skibbles down paths that just aren't there
Reach out for the pure blue sky
and I'm sorry we seem to forget to care
Call my name just once again
Let the river bring you to me
Oh, but you're running from the rain
and I never said that I would not leave
Is there really nothing left to say?
Will you not let me live your lie?
Will you never ask me to stay?
Then it's goodbye my love, Goodbye.

Confession

The cold steel rail was just another addiction
Another substitute for an incurable affliction
Multi-colored spirals let me know
It isn't up to me to decide when we go

Ages of absence and consequence
make carefully cultivated indifference
your one and only defense
And even if you forget your way back down
There's always another way to the ground

Keep only so much that it isn't worth stealing
The sky is all that you need to be feeling
Let all of the rest just burn and fall away
And don't ever let them make you stay
Standing proud, uncaring and tall,
Kicking and cursing at the cold wall
Don't ever bring back yesterday
And today stays a dreary shade of gray

The flickers of worry
Pasts that you just can't bury
Tell you in whispers so low
One more time might be the end
but there is a lot that time doesn't mend
and it's really not like I don't know

It was easy to learn
and it's easy to burn
Now that I know how to fly
I understand why, you stay in the sky
I'm still waiting for the call
and they're all waiting for us to fall
I forget the way down
or maybe I never really learned at all


They talk so proudly of love
A memory is a dear dead dove
All I can see are cold chains
And forgetting is all that remains
It's always been so much easier to lie
when you're high up in that blue sky
and they never taught you the way down anyway

Confessions and surprises, Search the premises
Truth is easy if you know what the price is
And I know I only lie to save your skin
But my confessions are over, you're my only sin

Though anxious eyes are what you left behind
You know they'll always be there
I don't know what's on my own mind
And sometimes, I forget to care

The wings are just a mere substitute
Are we replacing more of the clever lies?
or is it only their over rated truth?
I can't come down from these bright blue skies
And I don't think I want to

So do me a favor and ask them not to call
Because they'd be right and I'd only fall
Though that's just another way to the ground
I'm not lost, I don't need to be found
Don't make me go, just let me stay
...I never learned the way down anyway.

The Identification (by Roger McGough)

So you think it’s Stephen?

Then I’d best make sure

Be on the safe side as it were.

Ah, there’s been a mistake. The hair

you see, it’s black, now Stephen’s fair…

What’s that? The explosion?

Of course, burnt black. Silly of me.

I should have known. Then let’s get on.

The face, is that a face I ask?

that mask of charred wood

blistered, scarred could

that have been a child’s face?

The sweater, where intact, looks

in fact all too familiar.

But one must be sure.

The scoutbelt. Yes that’s his.

I recognise the studs he hammered in

not a week ago. At the age

when boys get clothes-conscious

now you know. It’s almost

certainly Stephen. But one must

be sure. Remove all trace of doubt.

Pull out every splinter of hope.

Pockets. Empty the pockets.

Handkerchief? Could be any schoolboy’s.

Dirty enough. Cigarettes?

Oh this can’t be Stephen.

I don’t allow him to smoke you see.

He wouldn’t disobey me. Not his father.

But that’s his penknife. That’s his alright.

And that’s his key on the keyring

Gran gave him just the other night.

Then this must be him.

I think I know what happened

… about the cigarettes

No doubt he was minding them

for one of the older boys.

Yes that’s it.

That’s him.

That’s our Stephen.

Lies

Don't ask me questions
when you don't want to know the truth
Because I'll lie as long as I can
but I'm doing it just for you
And I know you think you're helping
but I don't really understand
and the only reason I say the things I do
is because they're all that you can stand

I can't always tell what you're thinking
And I can't always read your mind
You say what you must, and then forget
While I can't leave any of it behind
So I stand back and watch it all go by
While you don't even see the rain
And yet when you ask me if the sun is out
I know that I can only lie again...

Promises Like Pie-Crust (by Christina Rossetti)

Promise me no promises,
So will I not promise you:
Keep we both our liberties,
Never false and never true:
Let us hold the die uncast,
Free to come as free to go:
For I cannot know your past,
And of mine what can you know?

You, so warm, may once have been
Warmer towards another one:
I, so cold, may once have seen
Sunlight, once have felt the sun:
Who shall show us if it was
Thus indeed in time of old?
Fades the image from the glass,
And the fortune is not told.

If you promised, you might grieve
For lost liberty again:
If I promised, I believe
I should fret to break the chain.
Let us be the friends we were,
Nothing more but nothing less:
Many thrive on frugal fare
Who would perish of excess.

The longer you try to keep me here
The further I will make sure to go
You can lock me in your highest towers
I'll always have a forgotten window
All the lies that I'm soaked in
And all that you call love
is nothing but empty sin
that I can't seem to rise above
And you say that blood is thicker than water
Well, that doesn't mean a thing
I refuse to be your pretty golden caged bird
and I refuse to fucking sing

Untitled

Would you be the truth
for all the countless lies?
And God said "Let there be light!"
Would you forgive me for all the things
That I am about to say tonight?
(Thank you for your time)

I only wish that it would stop
That I could whisper the magic words
And I could tell it when to start again
I love the cold I hate
And the endless, calming, enveloping rain...
(Come with me but then leave)

And comforting words
that never intended to be taunting
echo and revolve and turn around
Till they convince me that they can fly
and then burn coldly to the ground
(And I refuse to cry.)

Stand in the rain and breathe the cold
If you're a swan, then what am I?
Sing that song so you can cry
Bleed a little so you can drink the guilt
And say my name, so I can die
(Say it again and I'll come back to life?)

A hundred million lifetimes
Each fragmented into a thousand more
Reflecting a tiny piece of the piece
that no bird ever managed to grab
There was never any release
(And I lied because I can't deceive)

And the songs, they continue to play
(He asked for gold, now the children are gone)
Till not even a tear is left to fall
and you can hear the smug whispers
"She's too cold for us all"
(You're the ones who let them go...)

But I am not cold, I want to scream
Except my voice has frozen over
The little mermaid gave up sound
and I am only allowed to watch my heart burn
so very coldly to the ground
(Just when I believed it could fly)

Mad Girl's Love Song

- Sylvia Plath

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"

My way through

A half goodbye
like a pledge
only I swallow the solemnity
and laugh my way through the despair
Darkness and the light
Another sip
and then it's over
A cigarette?
Only to light my way through the dark
And I refuse to cry.

Smile

Quietly, I pick up the rose
that you place before me,
proud and nervous
Dying for the dead?
I look up at you and smile
Because I hate it
and you expect me to love
Should I?

I bow and listen
Jagged edges caught in rusted nails
Hiding in calm soothing wood
Death does make one feel the need for vengeance
So I nod in sympathy
for you can not hear them
And I bleed proudly

You wash away the pain
and look at me with pride
Yet I can see the disappointment
I could not even cry
So I hurry, pretend to feel the pain
and look on in guarded sadness as you hammer away
You can't kill the dead
Can you?

I ask for the moon
hoping you will laugh and mock me
so that I can frown
But with a pleased smile and a ribbon
you hand it to me
and I kiss you
because that's what's to be done

You love me more as I grow paler
Saving me from the sun?
or because it suits the dress you bought me
It's calm, pretty and white
Light, hopeful and pure
even though you'll never say it
And so I smile
Because you pay me to...

Love and Drugs

Love

Valentine's day

Where's my gun?

I need to go

Away

Drugs

Awful things

Infiltrate your mind

Make everything else irrelevant

Pass?

Untitled

On some days
I think I should call out
But instead I just look out again
and watch the sea tease the shore
and I can only whisper to myself "Not anymore"
Not anymore
Not anymore...
Just loud enough for myself, not anymore

But,
Every single time the water returns
Only I can feel the relief
And every time it laughs away
Only I can hear the grief

I would ask you to come back to me
Love, I would ask you to return
But I don't ever call
Because you can't leave
if you were never here at all
Never here at all
never here at all
No, you can't leave if you were never here at all

And so
I only watch you go
screaming in the language of the dead
I want you to understand me
But I refuse to repeat what I said

One day things will change my dear
Some day the earth and the sea shall not meet
Perhaps because the sea forgot to return
or maybe the Earth chose to freeze
But I refuse to watch you burn
Watch you burn
Watch you burn...
I apologize, but I refuse to watch you burn...

Pictures in Books...

Originally posted on: 20th Sep 2008.

So do you hide your pictures of me?
Press them in quietly hidden books
In old forgotten cartons,
And all the places she never looks?

Do you smile every time they play our song?
Or do you just close your eyes?
Do you think of farmhouses and laughter?
And cold darkening November skies?

Do you ever think of me?
And all the times that we had?
Do memories of me make you laugh?
Or do they only make you sad?

Did you ever read my letter?
The one I wrote right after we fought
I wanted you to know I was sorry
but in my pride I was caught...

Do you wonder if I still love you?
But I don't think that can be
I jus wrote this song coz, darling,
I was going through some old books you see...

You and I, A Different Story

Tinted,
Like a car's darkened windows
Ironic?
You could say so, I suppose.
Forgetful,
like you you used to be
By association
I guess I could be guilty.
Trust
You never really had to ask
Lies
I'm sorry, it was nothing but a mask.
Love
Do you even believe in it today?
Lust
Is that the only other way?
Confused
It's all I really know for sure
Peace
Is that really what I'm looking for?

Forget
Just like you used to do
Guilty?
Ah, I'm almost as bad as you
Laughter
Rings best in the coldest night
Pain?
Out of mind once out of sight
A Plan
There really is no such thing
Is it Cold?
Oh darling, won't you sing?
Today
Made of scraps, like of metal old
Memories
All that remain after the rest you've sold
Stars
To remind you of things you knew but long forgot
Innocent
Always, Until the day you finally get caught

Untitled

I follow me one by one
Hazy moon, what a tease!
Another shot, another drink
No thank you. Thank you, please.

Chasing silent swirling smoke
We live it, yeah live it our way
Free falling off the highest cliffs
Watch that spot, watch it fade away

And he said, yeah he said
"I loved you once, with all my heart"
and another shot, another shot
You just can't stop once you really start

Laugh away the misery
once it finds, yeah, finds it's way
To lose something oh-so clever
You have to darling, have to go astray

And then you hear the voices whisper
oh, you can hear them all say
"Poor darling. Poor darling"
"She's gone, gone the wrong way"

But the magic in you, it only laughs
And you hold your head up, your head up high
Coz Calvin Keith calls out to you
And you learn to walk on those clouds in the sky

Watch her as she walks out your door
Spinning, like swirling smoke spinning around
She laughs, laughs at all of your hopeless pleas
And you never see, see a single sound

Quieter than a shattering heart
Shattering glass is much quieter my dear
But once it's broken, dance in this darkness
Drink with me, there's nothing left to fear

And they'll call us all sorts of wicked names
but we'll raise our glasses, raise 'em high
We'll laugh at their ignorance
and we'll kiss that same old purple sky

Forget the ghosts, ghosts of memories
that haunt your fragmented confused mind
Watch the pieces fall away bit by broken bit
Let's just leave them, leave them all behind

And you may still cry once in a while
Here's two for the morning, two for the night
Everything will be better, much better darling
With the smoke, see them, see them all vanish out of sight.

Yeah, they'll shake their heads in practiced pity
And we'll clink, yeah clink our glasses high
I'll laugh for us. You, You bring your guitar
And we'll drown out every single strangling sigh!

They'll watch us, watch while we live
And wonder what we're really up to
Another shot, another drink
No thank you. Please, Thank you.


----------------
Now playing: Third Eye Blind - Forget Myself
via FoxyTunes

Calvin Keith

I knew a boy who lived on this lane
His name was Calvin Keith
He walked with his head held high
And the clouds below his feet
He was a giddy fool
Or perhaps he was the smartest of us all
For though the world crumbled around
Clever Calvin would never fall
Some said it was because he was dumb
and he never felt the earth shake
Others said it was all his fault
And that he had made the world quake
Calvin Keith the clever kid
He heard every word they said
But he never did anything at all
Not even wish they all were dead
The town, convinced he was possessed
Sought to "save" him from certain hell
But Content Calvin Keith was stubborn
and maybe a little crazy as well
For Calvin Jumped onto a white horse
and laughed as the people chased him around
An just when Calvin looked like he was cornered
He rode right out of town
The people; they were confused
For no one had ever left before...
So "crazy" Calvin Keith
became a legend for evermore...