The Dancing Girl

.
She danced in her very own secret purple dress, a distracted smile on her face and her heart on her sleeve.
I edged away quietly into the darkness, but I could feel her brown eyes lock on to mine.
Years later, there would be hurt and blame and a world's worth of tears as her nails made intricate designs on my skin.
Designs that wouldn't fade.

There would be days when death would come to play, and we'd stand around exchanging worried looks as we watched her laugh her way around the people we knew.
Secrets that twisted around what we thought were hearts.
I don't dance.
And I wear only armor on my sleeve.

We would grow and drift away, an occasional shout to let the other know we still remembered.
There would be acceptance, even through my mumbled apologies.
There would be a twisted sense of understanding, like the smile we sometimes shared.
I know why I'd take that bullet for you.
A second chance is rare, but dare I ask for more?
There are no lies.
We stick to delusions.

We have nothing to show for all of the past except fading words and scars.
Somehow, I don't mind.
As long as the music doesn't stop, we'll be fine.
I would rather watch from the sidelines.
But she's always been the dancing kind.

...

Untitled (Ophelia)

Dream that faded dream again
Watch the lilies wind away
And you turn to out-run the rain
If you'd only beg me to stay.
Giddy with mirth, she appears
Follow this path you shan't tread on
Watch me go, I carry your fears
and soon, it will have been too long
Seven steps ahead, and then a mile
Perhaps a plea shall slow us down?
Or perhaps we shall only smile
While I seem to forget not to drown
Lies? A mad girl does not lie
She skibbles down paths that just aren't there
Reach out for the pure blue sky
and I'm sorry we seem to forget to care
Call my name just once again
Let the river bring you to me
Oh, but you're running from the rain
and I never said that I would not leave
Is there really nothing left to say?
Will you not let me live your lie?
Will you never ask me to stay?
Then it's goodbye my love, Goodbye.

Girl in the Mirror

She leaned over the gray stone sink, her dark eyes empty and unfocussed, seemingly staring at a point beyond her own distorted reflection. A sad lonely song played on in the background, but she seemed oblivious to it. Someone was banging on the fragile wooden door. The girl didn't move. She did not even seem to hear it. Silence filled the air. She kept gazing at whatever it was that only she could see. The song ended and another began. And her eyes filled up with tears.

For a while, she let them swim there and then... she blinked, a confused look flitting across her face. Suddenly, she reached up and angrily wiped away the forming tears with the sleeve of her white too-big T-shirt. As she accidentally dragged the sleeve down her face, the frown changed to a grimace. Her head snapped up to attention and she stared at the girl in the mirror as if seeing her there for the first time. Her eyes drifted over the straggly dark hair that fell over the pale face, down to the dark blank eyes. Her gaze stopped at the red line drawn across her left cheek. She reached up slowly and winced as her fingers brushed against the mark.

Her eyes widened as the screams filled her head once again. The dark kohl had smeared across her pale face and for a moment the girl in the mirror frightened her. The empty lifeless eyes, the lack of expression on her face, the detached pain the bruise was giving her. For a moment, it wasn't her reflection she was staring at, it was her ghost. The banging began again, but she paid no attention. The words in her head drowned out everything else.

The song changed again. People began to shout, in worry, in fear, in panic... but the girl was too busy listenin to the voices in her head, staring into the mirror, afraid to reach out and touch it because she didn't know whether it was the glass that lay shattered or if it was just her reflection. Either way would hurt her, either way she would break. Either way, it didn't matter, because she knew that there was no real difference between her and her reflection.

A faint smile played upon her lips as the blackness swallowed her. Just a little longer.

(original post - 10th June 2008)

God and children

"In the name of God, Ma'am. He'll keep you happy. Whatever you give me, he'll make sure you get ten times more. In the name of the great God, please give me something. Anything."

"God doesn't exist."

She almost felt bad about the shock that flitted across the face of the little girl with the bedraggled hair. Hair that would have loved to be a beautiful brown if it only had a shot. The child couldn't have been more than 8. Or twelve. She could never tell.

"But God is watching out for you. He'll make sure you go far in life. You'll be very wealthy ma'am. Just give us a little money."

"I already told you", said the older girl through gritted teeth, "God. Does. Not. Exist."

The car pulled up and suddenly she felt old. Too old for the day. And too old for the night that was to follow. What right did she have to take away one little girl's belief in an all-powerful-god who was watching over her and would make sure that one day everything would turn out okay?

"Before going, do give us some money sister. Please? Anything."

The door was open and the girl paused. She couldn't really tell why. Perhaps it was the fact that the child had called her sister. Maybe it was because she said please. Or perhaps the girl just wanted to prove a point.

"Fine.", she said shortly, turning around to face the child. She rummaged around in her bag and saw that she had no change, just two coins of five rupees. Holding the coins up between them, she bent down till she was face to face with the girl and stared into her eyes.
"But not in the name of God."

The little girl looked up at her puzzled and she sighed, "There is no such thing as God, kid." And if he did exist, your hair would be pretty, and your eyes bright. You'd be in school and I wouldn't be standing here. And if he does exist, he's no God you should be praying to. And he's definitely not a God in whose name I would EVER do anything. "Go eat something." She hoped God was watching. What would it be? Lightning? A car accident? An aneurysm?

And as she got into the car feeling miserable about what she had just said to someone who probably needed to believe in God much more than she ever did, she looked out the window to see the girl staring at her, a hauntingly beautiful look in her shy eyes. The girl in the car blinked, and the child outside smiled at her shyly. And it was the most beautiful smile the girl had ever seen. All the stoic-ness, all the cold blankness faded away and she grinned it return. The child smiled back wider now.

And as the car pulled away, she rolled down the window and waved. The child waved back shyly... The girl watched her till she was out of sight and then bowed her head. She may not get her soul a place in heaven, but it was at peace for now.