Sorry

Dear Sister,

How could you let them walk all over you?
Why didn't you walk away?
How could you stand and do nothing but watch?
Didn't you have a thing to say?

Why do you persist dear girl?
Why can't you let them be?
The heart's a fickle friend, babe
And today, his is with me.

-
love,
Mary J.

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Now playing: Staind - Outside (Full band)
via FoxyTunes

I Feel Responsible

It's a little after six-thirty in the morning. I don't really get to be conscious at this time very often. Awake maybe, but completely in my senses? Too much to ask...

Anyhow, I woke up at 0515 and couldn't get back to sleep. Luckily I remembered that I was supposed to present some case in Crim. Usually, I couldn't care less... but with her threat of "cutting attendance" and my already dead and rotting record this trim (in attendance), I decided to read the case.

Now, my real purpose of not trying to get back to sleep was that this way I would have enough time to "prepare" myself for class... But you know what? Waking up early is strange. It made me rethink the plan... without the usual guilt-trip. I guess insomnia has a larger role to play in over-indulgence than most people realize.

Right now, I'm listening to music and watching the sky grow lighter and lighter... and it's okay. It really is. Sure, I'm not thinking about things I should be thinking about... But cut me some slack here! I'm just a beginner.

I still want to go home... though my reasons have changed. That doesn't mean I've figured out how I'm going to survive for two months without snapping at everything that moves. Nor how I'm going to make it through the day without a single drag. Of any sort. But... I'll manage. At least, I hope I will.


P.S. When I tried to look for a mood on facebook that said "responsible", this is one of the search results:







Enough said.

I've seen Angels Fall from Blinding heights

They always go for the best of us.

Them and Us. It's always about this. Who are they? And who are we?

But that's tangential.

Two-Face: The Joker chose me!
Batman: Because you were the best of us. He wanted to prove that even someone as good as you could fall.
Two-Face: And he was right.

From blinding heights and further. At times like those, all you can do is feel guilty just for standing by and watching it happen, even though you know there is nothing you can do. You feel guilty of your association. You can't help but wonder whether you were responsible for them walking to that edge. Whether it was you and your "tainted" being that is somehow responsible for their own fall.

And you can't turn away...