Who is it that said "Some things don't change"? Everything changes. The sun rises, but on a different day. Nothing stays exactly the same way, because somewhere, something always changes.
...
But you know... if you took it moment by moment, and looked closer at the abstract concept of that frame... I guess you could say that some things do stay the same.
I guess in the end, the sun is just a much bigger match's much bigger flame.
And moths will be moths.
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Friday, January 22, 2010
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Just a Thought
.
November's ending and I haven't seen a storm. It's all incomplete. But perhaps that only means that we have to write our own endings. But I can only think in echoes. And you don't need us.
We do what we can.
Don't we?
Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. There's really nothing more to it.
Free
November's ending and I haven't seen a storm. It's all incomplete. But perhaps that only means that we have to write our own endings. But I can only think in echoes. And you don't need us.
We do what we can.
Don't we?
Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. There's really nothing more to it.
I'm sailing on the other side now.
Free
and
Gone.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
RPG
.
We're all just playing roles. Sometimes you are me and I am you and they are us and we are them, but nothing ever changes except the clouds I find floating around me. Sheep are sacrifices. Humans are martyrs. Gods are invincible. And the proud are punished.
Rain will fall. Legends will be born. Memories will die. The wrath of vengeful gods may fall upon us. But we will laugh our way through it all. Because that's the only road that's there for the lost. And the dead walk beside us.
Some things can not be buried deep enough. Some ghosts never leave. Some clouds slowly choke you to death.
I'm done chasing rainbows. I like this rabbit hole. This time, the sky will have to find me. And I can always hide on the moon.
Stars stay in corners of your eyes. And sometimes you can remember how to fly, even if you never even dreamed of doing so. The world is strange, and we're all locked in tight.
Here's a secret.
The key is the slow steady destruction of your soul.
We're all just playing roles. Sometimes you are me and I am you and they are us and we are them, but nothing ever changes except the clouds I find floating around me. Sheep are sacrifices. Humans are martyrs. Gods are invincible. And the proud are punished.
Rain will fall. Legends will be born. Memories will die. The wrath of vengeful gods may fall upon us. But we will laugh our way through it all. Because that's the only road that's there for the lost. And the dead walk beside us.
Some things can not be buried deep enough. Some ghosts never leave. Some clouds slowly choke you to death.
I'm done chasing rainbows. I like this rabbit hole. This time, the sky will have to find me. And I can always hide on the moon.
Stars stay in corners of your eyes. And sometimes you can remember how to fly, even if you never even dreamed of doing so. The world is strange, and we're all locked in tight.
Here's a secret.
The key is the slow steady destruction of your soul.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Everything/Nothing
It's all about schisms.
The insides of my mind are crumbling, melting, twisting.
I'm so much younger than that now.
I was only a reflection.
Catch me if you can?
I don't leave footsteps, I leave skid-marks.
Burn me a tattoo on my soul, darling?
'cause I am the highway...
Where did you go?
Oh. Must be just me, then.
JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ
How do you sail across nothingness?
You make me calm the way curling smoke does.
From the inside.
Is the war over?
It's the Aftermath that's hard to live with.How do you stop time?
We can't get clean again.Where would you go to if you could go wherever it is that you want to go to?
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Blow my house down.
I'm gone,
gone,
gone.
gone,
gone.
Where did you go?
I want to implode
But I have no pockets.
The insides of my mind are crumbling, melting, twisting.
Sweet November.
Where would you go?
The chains were never really there, but I'm too weary to fly.
And how do you escape the sky?I'm so much younger than that now.
Will I remember how to fly?
Some dreams are worth staying in.
Some realities deserve escaping.
Some habits are impossible to break.
Some realities deserve escaping.
Some habits are impossible to break.
Why?
Just.
Just.
God doesn't forsake any of his children.
Is the world the wrong way up or is it just me?
I was only a reflection.
Catch me if you can?
I looked through the looking glass and I don't want to go back.
I like the Other side.
And why would I climb when I know how to fly?
How long will I slide?
I like the Other side.
And why would I climb when I know how to fly?
How long will I slide?
Nothing can be explained.
Say it isn't so.
But it is and all the highways in the world are to hell.
I don't leave footsteps, I leave skid-marks.
Burn me a tattoo on my soul, darling?
'cause I am the highway...
Where did you go?
As much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
Oh. Must be just me, then.
JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Between the Bars
.
I lean closer to the cold white bars hoping believing needing to think that the glowing lights in the sky are fake unreal false just like the lying comfort offered by a box full of twenty entire cigarettes knowing that we'll only crush destroy burn BREATHE in Breathe out breathe in STOP Run through fields that won't stop being green cold lovely even though they change morph melt merge like the insides of my mind after so long without smoke curling through my veins heart lungs NEEDING the steady chaotic destruction set in motion years months lifetimes ago REMEMBERING so little of promises lies laughter that only rings out loud in waves like nausea THINKING of unhappier times when the world was still the right way up even though it was easier harder the same and right things were decided by how hard it was to do them NOW it's burning cold hot CONFUSING me utterly completely entirely even though it's easier nicer more comfortable despite words running through my head like so much for Undying LOYALTY and becoming someone else for someone else who turns to someone else until I am you and you are me and there is no me because there is no you except things change morph blur like LINES that were crossed obeyed cut into little dots that rearrange themselves into rants that no one UNDERSTANDS including those they bleed from like rain tears vodka FORGETTING remembering wanting needing hating leaving because there are only so many things to choose from when decisions that can't be made are made in the vacuum of facts information MEMORIES that need to be buried with good and bad and good and bad until windows are closed against the cold November air except it's the wrong room state world because movies are NOT real life though they creep crawl laugh their way in while I lean against the cold metal bars looking at glowing lights that mock taunt laugh ECHOING endlessly until I leave quit die.
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Now playing: Red Hot Chili Peppers - Otherside
via FoxyTunes
I lean closer to the cold white bars hoping believing needing to think that the glowing lights in the sky are fake unreal false just like the lying comfort offered by a box full of twenty entire cigarettes knowing that we'll only crush destroy burn BREATHE in Breathe out breathe in STOP Run through fields that won't stop being green cold lovely even though they change morph melt merge like the insides of my mind after so long without smoke curling through my veins heart lungs NEEDING the steady chaotic destruction set in motion years months lifetimes ago REMEMBERING so little of promises lies laughter that only rings out loud in waves like nausea THINKING of unhappier times when the world was still the right way up even though it was easier harder the same and right things were decided by how hard it was to do them NOW it's burning cold hot CONFUSING me utterly completely entirely even though it's easier nicer more comfortable despite words running through my head like so much for Undying LOYALTY and becoming someone else for someone else who turns to someone else until I am you and you are me and there is no me because there is no you except things change morph blur like LINES that were crossed obeyed cut into little dots that rearrange themselves into rants that no one UNDERSTANDS including those they bleed from like rain tears vodka FORGETTING remembering wanting needing hating leaving because there are only so many things to choose from when decisions that can't be made are made in the vacuum of facts information MEMORIES that need to be buried with good and bad and good and bad until windows are closed against the cold November air except it's the wrong room state world because movies are NOT real life though they creep crawl laugh their way in while I lean against the cold metal bars looking at glowing lights that mock taunt laugh ECHOING endlessly until I leave quit die.
----------------
Now playing: Red Hot Chili Peppers - Otherside
via FoxyTunes
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Seasons
.
The season of change is still here. Whether or not things are going to stay different is something only time knows. Secrets are burned or buried. Life is pointless, but there's nothing wrong with that. You can't destroy fairy dust. And dead fairies live only as long as you believe in them. I'm not me, but no one really is.
I don't know what tomorrow is going to bring or take away. And what I don't know about, I can't control. Ignorance may not be bliss, but it can come pretty close. Neglect works pretty well too... if you can kill off your conscience.
Even if I could fly, I wouldn't be able to get to the moon. And every single time I try, there's someone waiting to catch me. Tight ropes and burned bridges are fun to walk on. Because you know there are only two ways off. Either you reach the other side or you fall. It's all about balance. And you can't lose what you never had.
I used to think that you could only give what you have. But that isn't completely true. Sometimes you can give away borrowed things, even if you have no right to do so. You have to pay for everything, but that doesn't mean you can't get what you can't afford. You just collect debt. I'll deal with it later. Infinite debt plus a little more is still an infinite amount. And there's no point in worrying about things you can't change.
A fall from here won't be fatal.
And that is what worries me...
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Now playing: Red Hot Chili Peppers - She Looks To Me
via FoxyTunes
The season of change is still here. Whether or not things are going to stay different is something only time knows. Secrets are burned or buried. Life is pointless, but there's nothing wrong with that. You can't destroy fairy dust. And dead fairies live only as long as you believe in them. I'm not me, but no one really is.
I don't know what tomorrow is going to bring or take away. And what I don't know about, I can't control. Ignorance may not be bliss, but it can come pretty close. Neglect works pretty well too... if you can kill off your conscience.
Even if I could fly, I wouldn't be able to get to the moon. And every single time I try, there's someone waiting to catch me. Tight ropes and burned bridges are fun to walk on. Because you know there are only two ways off. Either you reach the other side or you fall. It's all about balance. And you can't lose what you never had.
I used to think that you could only give what you have. But that isn't completely true. Sometimes you can give away borrowed things, even if you have no right to do so. You have to pay for everything, but that doesn't mean you can't get what you can't afford. You just collect debt. I'll deal with it later. Infinite debt plus a little more is still an infinite amount. And there's no point in worrying about things you can't change.
A fall from here won't be fatal.
And that is what worries me...
----------------
Now playing: Red Hot Chili Peppers - She Looks To Me
via FoxyTunes
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Maybe
Are things really getting better or are we just getting better at accepting them?
Either way, don't think about it now, you'll only make it worse.
Things change.
Echoes fade and memories die. Autumn frosts have slain July.
Goodbye July...
Watching smoke makes me feel sane again.
Ash is definite evidence, but what good does it ever do?
What shall we use to complete the wall?
Memories.
Bury memories with memories.
Bad with good.
And good with bad.
You know what's the only thing worse than the calm before a storm?
The calm after it.
I like where I am and I hate the fact that time won't stop carrying me away.
We contradict ourselves and we burn and we die.
We're all unforgiven.
And maybe that's all there is to it.
Maybe.
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Now playing: Shiro Sagisu - never meant to belong
via FoxyTunes
Monday, September 28, 2009
Update
.
In one lifetime, there are lots of things people do that they wish they never had. But as long as you can find a box to throw all your old memories in, they won't interfere with today. As long as you remember to lock the doors.
Things change constantly, and no matter how miserable the world looks, sometimes you have to wait out the storm. Marvel at the rain while it falls. It's a memory you won't visit too often. And these kind of things can not be forgotten.
I'm done here. I've been done for a while. But borrowed time is still time. And the places you go to, after the show's over, won't let me in.
I think I've gone away again. But this vacation isn't like the others. I don't know if I'm coming back. And it's really alright. Because borrowed time is still time. And I hate being in debt.
September's nearly over. October isn't really my favorite month either. But every silver lining's got a touch of gray. I like gray. And I think I rather like this cloud.
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Now playing: Plain White T's - Hey there Delailah
via FoxyTunes
In one lifetime, there are lots of things people do that they wish they never had. But as long as you can find a box to throw all your old memories in, they won't interfere with today. As long as you remember to lock the doors.
Things change constantly, and no matter how miserable the world looks, sometimes you have to wait out the storm. Marvel at the rain while it falls. It's a memory you won't visit too often. And these kind of things can not be forgotten.
I'm done here. I've been done for a while. But borrowed time is still time. And the places you go to, after the show's over, won't let me in.
I think I've gone away again. But this vacation isn't like the others. I don't know if I'm coming back. And it's really alright. Because borrowed time is still time. And I hate being in debt.
September's nearly over. October isn't really my favorite month either. But every silver lining's got a touch of gray. I like gray. And I think I rather like this cloud.
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Now playing: Plain White T's - Hey there Delailah
via FoxyTunes
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Yesterday To Tomorrow
Things have changed.
Again.
But unlike the times before, from yesterday comes tomorrow.
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Now playing: Audioslave - Yesterday to Tomorrow
via FoxyTunes
Again.
But unlike the times before, from yesterday comes tomorrow.
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Now playing: Audioslave - Yesterday to Tomorrow
via FoxyTunes
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Wasn't me
I was there when it all happened, but that was not me.
"So long ago, so far away,
Was everything truly there?”
Was everything truly there?”
- Todd Willingham
Everything was.
I wasn't.
I wasn't.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Chaos
.
There's a moth in my room, and it's beautiful. It has blue wings that have gold edges. I wish I had a camera. I wish it would fly out the window. I think I make too many wishes. It's only because the stars keep falling.
I have no idea where I will be in twenty four hours. I've come to the conclusion that I'm not a very big fan of change. I always thought I was, but quite clearly, I was horribly mistaken. I don't even have the energy to curse this glare anymore. The windows are always open, Peter.. (but that's only because I keep forgetting to close them.)
There's just so much to do. I don't know where I'm going to find the time. I wish they would have just let me stay. I hope things work out in the next six hours. I can't leave now... The rain is here...
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Now playing: Khadki Junction Blues
via FoxyTunes
There's a moth in my room, and it's beautiful. It has blue wings that have gold edges. I wish I had a camera. I wish it would fly out the window. I think I make too many wishes. It's only because the stars keep falling.
I have no idea where I will be in twenty four hours. I've come to the conclusion that I'm not a very big fan of change. I always thought I was, but quite clearly, I was horribly mistaken. I don't even have the energy to curse this glare anymore. The windows are always open, Peter.. (but that's only because I keep forgetting to close them.)
There's just so much to do. I don't know where I'm going to find the time. I wish they would have just let me stay. I hope things work out in the next six hours. I can't leave now... The rain is here...
----------------
Now playing: Khadki Junction Blues
via FoxyTunes
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
The Endless Story
.
Break-up season is here again. Not that it makes any difference to me, personally. But everyone around me seems to be losing their mind. I'd laugh if it weren't so sad. And once again, I'm sixteen years old, convincing an old friend not to go ahead with her grand plan of revenge. It's a year later and I'm sneaking out of my home and into a friend's, eyes on the bottle she won't let go off. That was all so long ago... I guess some things never change.
It should be a comforting thought, in this crazy crazy world. But... it's not. If everything has to change, why can't the sad things change too? Why won't the things that are wrong, change? It's a messed up place, and it seems like it's only the beautiful things that we're all out to destroy.
In a world like this one, there's nothing to do, but survive. You do what you can. And you do what you have to. If everything was always pleasant, the rain wouldn't mean a thing. And every silver lining's got a touch of gray.
But, in the end, words are words. And they can be forgotten. Or remembered even when they were never exchanged. Like smoke, words are swirling, hazy and momentary. Memories are nothing but the stale scent of smoke clinging to your clothes.
Change, darling.
It's all you can do.
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Now playing: Pink Floyd - Comfortably Numb
via FoxyTunes
Break-up season is here again. Not that it makes any difference to me, personally. But everyone around me seems to be losing their mind. I'd laugh if it weren't so sad. And once again, I'm sixteen years old, convincing an old friend not to go ahead with her grand plan of revenge. It's a year later and I'm sneaking out of my home and into a friend's, eyes on the bottle she won't let go off. That was all so long ago... I guess some things never change.
It should be a comforting thought, in this crazy crazy world. But... it's not. If everything has to change, why can't the sad things change too? Why won't the things that are wrong, change? It's a messed up place, and it seems like it's only the beautiful things that we're all out to destroy.
In a world like this one, there's nothing to do, but survive. You do what you can. And you do what you have to. If everything was always pleasant, the rain wouldn't mean a thing. And every silver lining's got a touch of gray.
But, in the end, words are words. And they can be forgotten. Or remembered even when they were never exchanged. Like smoke, words are swirling, hazy and momentary. Memories are nothing but the stale scent of smoke clinging to your clothes.
Change, darling.
It's all you can do.
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Now playing: Pink Floyd - Comfortably Numb
via FoxyTunes
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Oblivion
.
The world is changing too fast... and I can't keep up. I'm falling behind and getting carried away by strange currents. (...They aren't half as bad as they've been made out to be)
I really don't know where it is that I'm going to, but I don't understand this world anymore. And I don't understand anybody in it. I don't want to know. I would rather leave, thank you.
You're only ever on the outside if you can't get back in.
Or won't.
I would really like to be asleep right now. I want to fall asleep and wake up only when I can't sleep anymore. I want to be bored of sleeping. Tired of it. I want real pent up energy instead of sugar rushes and sleep deprivation side-effects. And I want a small island that isn't on any map...
I already have a name for it.
Oblivion.
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Now playing: The Cranberries - 13 Dying in the Sun
via FoxyTunes
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Change
.
Desensitization, That's what it's all about. You just have to get used to things. And then they change, and you get used to the change. Adapt. Survive. It isn't all that dismal as I'm making it out to be, but I'm pretty annoyed with change right now. I feel like we're having dis-jointed conversations. Time's at fault, as always. It's been moving at funny speeds, and laughing at all the foolish humans who actually believe that it moves at a constant speed, in one direction. Ha.I know I keep saying that the world's gone crazy, but you have to believe me when I say it's true. What kind of world has clothes hanging from wires strung between crosses on graves? A small black dog eating the food kept for the idols in a little shrine. Green castle, almost entirely non-existent. The sky is brighter with every passing night. I found a ten of spades thrown on one side of the road, while two packs of Spades and Clubs were scattered further ahead. There are advertisements on TV that encourage walking around while you're on the phone. And in a tiny font at the bottom of the screen runs a line saying something to the effect of "Talking on the cellphone while crossing busy roads and at intersections is advised against". There's a chick holding a country-wide competition where the winner shall marry her as the prize... and people actually volunteer to get humiliated along with her on National Television. We're at a point f time when you can't even smoke a cigarette in a pub. Closer to home, Nagarbhavi has had to have the alternate car parking boards put up. There are strange people everywhere, with their loud fast cars and their "super-bikes". And nowhere is safe...
How did it come to this? When did all of this happen? I feel like I'm back home after a long vacation only to find out half my friends have gotten married, while the others have changed jobs or are in jail. I don't understand how I didn't see it happen. Was it really so sudden? I wouldn't know... Time. Maybe it's been happening throughout, and I just never noticed...
.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Things Have Changed
It's been a whole entire year. And about three hundred lifetimes. At least. Sometimes things just end up morphing, whether you want them to or not. I wouldn't say 'changing'. Change is like a gradual river with the occasional fall. Change is okay. What isn't okay is bolts of lightning tearing through your soul and entire worlds dissolving in a matter of hours. What isn't okay is being trapped in a pretty golden cage. What isn't okay is suddenly finding yourself free, except you're not sure if you remember how to fly. Fairy dust and happy thoughts? Sorry Peter, you took too long. I used to care, but things have changed.
Note for the clever: Look at the title again. THC. heh.
Note for the clever: Look at the title again. THC. heh.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Change
There are so many things in my mind, but I can not catch any of them. They're slipping slowly, out of reach. Strangely enough, the world is bending to form convex lenses. Oh well, as long as nothing starts reflecting...
I finished Separate Ways today. Ada Wong's set of missions. I love this game. There's nothing like a fatal head shot from the Semi Automatic Rifle. And the Riot guns. Wow. I want one.
It's the 19th of June. I've been here for 8 days. 11 more. Weird. The "1" is so much smaller than the "8". See -> "18". Strange.
When you don't get real, you learn to live with make-believe.
I finished Separate Ways today. Ada Wong's set of missions. I love this game. There's nothing like a fatal head shot from the Semi Automatic Rifle. And the Riot guns. Wow. I want one.
It's the 19th of June. I've been here for 8 days. 11 more. Weird. The "1" is so much smaller than the "8". See -> "18". Strange.
When you don't get real, you learn to live with make-believe.
But for make believe, you have to get carried away...
All you need is fairy dust and happy thoughts!
Things change...
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Quit?
The seasons are changing. Unrequited love is on it's way out and quitting is in. Whether it's cigarettes, marijuana, alcohol or gambling, everyone around seems to be "taking a break". I was just talking to a couple of people I know; one is going to quit smoking weed while the other plans not to drink for the next six months.
After a particularly insane week, the only bit that worries me is that the idea isn't one I even considered. Quit? Why? And more importantly, what? Still, it's getting quite bothersome to keep up with who isn't doing what and what not to do with whom. If you know what I mean...
Oh, for the record, the two people I mentioned? Stoned and drunk respectively. (Emphasis added) Later.
After a particularly insane week, the only bit that worries me is that the idea isn't one I even considered. Quit? Why? And more importantly, what? Still, it's getting quite bothersome to keep up with who isn't doing what and what not to do with whom. If you know what I mean...
Oh, for the record, the two people I mentioned? Stoned and drunk respectively. (Emphasis added) Later.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
A Million Different Thoughts
There were a million different thoughts in my head today. Things I was supposed to come back and think about. Instead I chose to indulge in conversation that's been put off too long. And not just once, but twice! Anyway, advice doesn't help when it contradicts itself. And now I've forgotten what it was that I wanted to talk about.
It must have had something to do with the perfect place that was in my head all day, and which I finally found. (Thank you Agent Zero!!!) It could have something to do with the mid-night jam session that I was surrounded by for a few precious minutes... but I don't really remember what it was anymore... and it's so perfectly and unfairly fine.
I give it one more day. I always give it one more day. That might be part of the problem. I shouldn't sleep. It's already past four. And if I try and sleep now, there is no way I shall get to class tomorrow. Which I have to get to. I must.
But if I stay up all night, I'll just fall asleep in class and be thrown out. Ah, the logic the mind uses when it's been deprived of sleep for long enough! The only alternative is missing class. Again. Which I can not do. Not again.
I guess we're not the only ones who the universe plays with. I guess. I would say "I hope", but that would make me sound crueler than I really feel at the moment, which is never fun. Well, almost never.
And I know, that a year from now, none of this will matter. None of it. And that should be the worst part, but it's always the best. The unavoidable sense of the transient nature of it all. Nothing else matters, nothing but now, because now is greater than the past, and I know that. Damn it. There were too many commas in the previous sentence, but I really don't care anymore, so if this post annoys you, deal with it.
I shouldn't have. I should have. Only delaying the inevitable. You're always delaying the inevitable, but if you're really trying to stop that, you may as well try to fly. But you don't. Perhaps because sometimes, delaying the inevitable is only human? Perhaps. I wouldn't know. And I don't care.
I would lie. I do. But I would do it so much more often if you promised me I would get away with it. But then again, I would probably not believe you. So why try? "Lie or be lied to". "Deceive or be deceived". And it doesn't make you noble if you go ahead and try to prove the whole world wrong. It makes you stupid. Are you listening Mave dear? Never noble. Only stupid. We were so young. Everyone was, but does that mean it's not an excuse anymore?
I know I'm rambling. I may also be ranting. But it's past four in the morning. And I'm tired. And most importantly, typing has become so much easier than writing. I think that's fucked up. I really do. But, whatever works. And whatever works worked so long that I don't want to mess with it.
Even though that implies that I shouldn't have meddled with a lot of things that were moving along just fine. I guess that means we were right. We would mess up everything we had. Which is cool, because it was all about delaying the inevitable. There was a point made about this, wasn't there?
I could go on forever. I probably would, if it wasn't for the decision that has to be made now. Get a couple of hours of sleep or stay awake till it's time to leave. And that is so silly-ly profound, it's not even funny.
It's not fair that words and songs and quotes and memories get associated with people who you once knew. And it's pretty retarded to say that memories shouldn't do that, but it still isn't fair, because it makes you feel guilty about forgetting. Like getting flowers. Unless they're dead, but that's pretty retarded too.
I should sleep. I think I shall go now.
It must have had something to do with the perfect place that was in my head all day, and which I finally found. (Thank you Agent Zero!!!) It could have something to do with the mid-night jam session that I was surrounded by for a few precious minutes... but I don't really remember what it was anymore... and it's so perfectly and unfairly fine.
I give it one more day. I always give it one more day. That might be part of the problem. I shouldn't sleep. It's already past four. And if I try and sleep now, there is no way I shall get to class tomorrow. Which I have to get to. I must.
But if I stay up all night, I'll just fall asleep in class and be thrown out. Ah, the logic the mind uses when it's been deprived of sleep for long enough! The only alternative is missing class. Again. Which I can not do. Not again.
I guess we're not the only ones who the universe plays with. I guess. I would say "I hope", but that would make me sound crueler than I really feel at the moment, which is never fun. Well, almost never.
And I know, that a year from now, none of this will matter. None of it. And that should be the worst part, but it's always the best. The unavoidable sense of the transient nature of it all. Nothing else matters, nothing but now, because now is greater than the past, and I know that. Damn it. There were too many commas in the previous sentence, but I really don't care anymore, so if this post annoys you, deal with it.
I shouldn't have. I should have. Only delaying the inevitable. You're always delaying the inevitable, but if you're really trying to stop that, you may as well try to fly. But you don't. Perhaps because sometimes, delaying the inevitable is only human? Perhaps. I wouldn't know. And I don't care.
I would lie. I do. But I would do it so much more often if you promised me I would get away with it. But then again, I would probably not believe you. So why try? "Lie or be lied to". "Deceive or be deceived". And it doesn't make you noble if you go ahead and try to prove the whole world wrong. It makes you stupid. Are you listening Mave dear? Never noble. Only stupid. We were so young. Everyone was, but does that mean it's not an excuse anymore?
I know I'm rambling. I may also be ranting. But it's past four in the morning. And I'm tired. And most importantly, typing has become so much easier than writing. I think that's fucked up. I really do. But, whatever works. And whatever works worked so long that I don't want to mess with it.
Even though that implies that I shouldn't have meddled with a lot of things that were moving along just fine. I guess that means we were right. We would mess up everything we had. Which is cool, because it was all about delaying the inevitable. There was a point made about this, wasn't there?
I could go on forever. I probably would, if it wasn't for the decision that has to be made now. Get a couple of hours of sleep or stay awake till it's time to leave. And that is so silly-ly profound, it's not even funny.
It's not fair that words and songs and quotes and memories get associated with people who you once knew. And it's pretty retarded to say that memories shouldn't do that, but it still isn't fair, because it makes you feel guilty about forgetting. Like getting flowers. Unless they're dead, but that's pretty retarded too.
I should sleep. I think I shall go now.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Back to School
I haven't really been writing anything here because I don't really want to do a "Back to Law School" post. But, I suppose I can't put it off forever. So, I'm back. In Law School.
Almost-holy places have been visited. Pecos, Roof, Amma's, Rohini and then some. All the necessary rituals have been completed. SF tripping, reminiscing, phone calls, music... It really doesn't feel like its been only four days. But this time, it does feel like we were away for a while. Maybe because I had an eventful holiday this time. Too eventful if you ask me. Almost feels like an entire trimester's worth of events!!! Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration, but just a slight one!
These holidays were good because I actually revisited the past. And by the past, I don't just mean life before college. I mean school. (For the slightly confused, there was that annoying year spent at St. T.) I knew that I wasn't the same, but it felt great finding out that I hadn't completely changed either. I mean, yeah, I am definitely very very diferent, but the "basic structure" seems to be the same. ;) I don't really know why that makes me feel better, but it does.
Yeagh, this is one of the most pointless posts I have written on this blog. *laughs* I know many who will disagree and point out at least a million other posts that seem to make NO sense whatsoever, but I'm talking about "pointless" and not "senseless". Because senseless things sometimes do have a point. But then again, so does this. Okay, any more thinking along these lines and this post will cross both lines.
Oh yes, how could I forget? About an hour ago, I found out that I may just have passed Fly. That's a relief. But I really must find out for sure. Oh well, that's what "tomorrows" are for. *nods solemnly*
Other than that, life goes on, everything changes but always in the same way, aaand my blog stays highly emo. *sigh* I really must do something about that... "Not that there's anything wrong with it!"
heh.
Yes, but seriously.
Almost-holy places have been visited. Pecos, Roof, Amma's, Rohini and then some. All the necessary rituals have been completed. SF tripping, reminiscing, phone calls, music... It really doesn't feel like its been only four days. But this time, it does feel like we were away for a while. Maybe because I had an eventful holiday this time. Too eventful if you ask me. Almost feels like an entire trimester's worth of events!!! Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration, but just a slight one!
These holidays were good because I actually revisited the past. And by the past, I don't just mean life before college. I mean school. (For the slightly confused, there was that annoying year spent at St. T.) I knew that I wasn't the same, but it felt great finding out that I hadn't completely changed either. I mean, yeah, I am definitely very very diferent, but the "basic structure" seems to be the same. ;) I don't really know why that makes me feel better, but it does.
Yeagh, this is one of the most pointless posts I have written on this blog. *laughs* I know many who will disagree and point out at least a million other posts that seem to make NO sense whatsoever, but I'm talking about "pointless" and not "senseless". Because senseless things sometimes do have a point. But then again, so does this. Okay, any more thinking along these lines and this post will cross both lines.
Oh yes, how could I forget? About an hour ago, I found out that I may just have passed Fly. That's a relief. But I really must find out for sure. Oh well, that's what "tomorrows" are for. *nods solemnly*
Other than that, life goes on, everything changes but always in the same way, aaand my blog stays highly emo. *sigh* I really must do something about that... "Not that there's anything wrong with it!"
heh.
Yes, but seriously.
Monday, February 2, 2009
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