Never Coming Down?

.

Thoughts.

War.
Bullet-proof glass that shatters on impact.
Smoke screens and hazy red lights.
Years.
Never.
Take.
Give.
Hot, searing knives.
Slide.
How long?
'Open my head just to see what I can find'.
Phases and Moods.
Everything.
Want.
Nothing.
Not in Denial.
Memories.
Can't reach.
Smirk.
Revenge.
Rush.

...

Black.
Dresses and Butterflies.

...
..
.
Fly?

.

Just a Thought

.
November's ending and I haven't seen a storm. It's all incomplete. But perhaps that only means that we have to write our own endings. But I can only think in echoes. And you don't need us.

We do what we can.

Don't we?

Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. There's really nothing more to it.

I'm sailing on the other side now.

Free

and

Gone.

RPG

.

We're all just playing roles. Sometimes you are me and I am you and they are us and we are them, but nothing ever changes except the clouds I find floating around me. Sheep are sacrifices. Humans are martyrs. Gods are invincible. And the proud are punished.

Rain will fall. Legends will be born. Memories will die. The wrath of vengeful gods may fall upon us. But we will laugh our way through it all. Because that's the only road that's there for the lost. And the dead walk beside us.

Some things can not be buried deep enough. Some ghosts never leave. Some clouds slowly choke you to death.

I'm done chasing rainbows. I like this rabbit hole. This time, the sky will have to find me. And I can always hide on the moon.

Stars stay in corners of your eyes. And sometimes you can remember how to fly, even if you never even dreamed of doing so. The world is strange, and we're all locked in tight.

Here's a secret.
The key is the slow steady destruction of your soul.

November to December

.

For three days, I was a nervous wreck. We were a scattered crew sailing through an electric storm. For three days, I was merely a blurry shadow on a burning boat. But we made it through. We didn't sink. It may not have been as great as it could have been, but it wasn't a complete disaster either. It happened. I didn't think we could but we did anyway. I'm happy and proud and depressed and so utterly sad. November's ending. And the wait returns.

But it's alright. December isn't all that bad either.

Every silver lining's got a touch of gray..

Autumn frosts may have slain July, but November rain melts everything.

Remind me to breathe?
.

Everything/Nothing

It's all about schisms.

How do you sail across nothingness?

You make me calm the way curling smoke does.

From the inside.

Is the war over?

It's the Aftermath that's hard to live with.

How do you stop time?

We can't get clean again.

Where would you go to if you could go wherever it is that you want to go to?

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Blow my house down.

I'm gone,
gone,
gone.

Where did you go?

I want to implode

But I have no pockets.

The insides of my mind are crumbling, melting, twisting.

Sweet November.

Where would you go?

The chains were never really there, but I'm too weary to fly.

And how do you escape the sky?

I'm so much younger than that now.

Will I remember how to fly?

Some dreams are worth staying in.
Some realities deserve escaping.
Some habits are impossible to break.

Why?
Just.

God doesn't forsake any of his children.

Is the world the wrong way up or is it just me?

I was only a reflection.
Catch me if you can?

I looked through the looking glass and I don't want to go back.
I like the Other side.
And why would I climb when I know how to fly?
How long will I slide?

Nothing can be explained.

Say it isn't so.

But it is and all the highways in the world are to hell.

I don't leave footsteps, I leave skid-marks.
Burn me a tattoo on my soul, darling?
'cause I am the highway...

Where did you go?

As much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

Oh. Must be just me, then.

JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ

SF 09

6 days, 3 exams and 20 hours of class to go.

...

^_^

November

Curse you, November
An abusive(obsessive) relation!
Will this never end?

Hopefully?
No.
Probably?
Yes.

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Now playing: Gov't Mule - Banks of the Deep End
via FoxyTunes

Between the Bars

.
I lean closer to the cold white bars hoping believing needing to think that the glowing lights in the sky are fake unreal false just like the lying comfort offered by a box full of twenty entire cigarettes knowing that we'll only crush destroy burn BREATHE in Breathe out breathe in STOP Run through fields that won't stop being green cold lovely even though they change morph melt merge like the insides of my mind after so long without smoke curling through my veins heart lungs NEEDING the steady chaotic destruction set in motion years months lifetimes ago REMEMBERING so little of promises lies laughter that only rings out loud in waves like nausea THINKING of unhappier times when the world was still the right way up even though it was easier harder the same and right things were decided by how hard it was to do them NOW it's burning cold hot CONFUSING me utterly completely entirely even though it's easier nicer more comfortable despite words running through my head like so much for Undying LOYALTY and becoming someone else for someone else who turns to someone else until I am you and you are me and there is no me because there is no you except things change morph blur like LINES that were crossed obeyed cut into little dots that rearrange themselves into rants that no one UNDERSTANDS including those they bleed from like rain tears vodka FORGETTING remembering wanting needing hating leaving because there are only so many things to choose from when decisions that can't be made are made in the vacuum of facts information MEMORIES that need to be buried with good and bad and good and bad until windows are closed against the cold November air except it's the wrong room state world because movies are NOT real life though they creep crawl laugh their way in while I lean against the cold metal bars looking at glowing lights that mock taunt laugh ECHOING endlessly until I leave quit die.



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Now playing: Red Hot Chili Peppers - Otherside
via FoxyTunes

An Experiment in November Rain

0342
Let's record one. I love these experiment-like things!! Am listening to 'The Perfect Drug'. hehe. Appropriate?

0358
That would be almost 20 minutes, yeah? Good enough. Track now playing is 'Road Tripping'... Brings back memories... Kay, enough reminiscing!!! Let's make a scene. *laughs*

0426
Wow, that took longer than it should have!

So, the holidays are here. Again. It seems like this trimester just began, but then when I think back, it's been so long! Not in sense of time, but of memories. Well, that sounds gay(not that there's anything wrong with that). What I mean is, it's been a long trimester in term of events. The repeats, Admit One, Strawberry Fields, Rubix, Christmas, New Year's eve, Attendance shortage, etc. You get what I mean!

November Rain. Why would you want it to stop?
I just wish November Rain would keep falling...

The White Rabbit at Woodstock and Strawberry Fields

Every free moment I have had in the last 48 hours has been spent watching Woodstock '69 videos. 'White Rabbit' has been playing in the background no matter where I go. And now that I have my iPod, it kinda makes it easier to convert life into one continuous loopy music video. Pun intended.

Anyhow, what I realized today, was that though I've been blogging for quite a while, this is different. Completely so. Coz for the first time there are people I have met in the flesh who are reading what I post online. So half of me says I should watch what I write out here... and the other just repeats what it says for every single decision I want to make: "Eh... Doesn't matter". So well, lets just see how long this cautious guarded phase lasts.

Anyway, what I really wanted to write about was Woodstock. Dude... If someone was to come up to me and give me an option of going back to any point in the past on the condition that I die in three days... I would just go back to 69 dude... And my only regret would be not having that fourth day to sit back and, like, replay events in my head!

I remember, this Strawberry Fields, - I think it was the last night - one of the people sitting there looked up at all of us in turn and then said, "Dude... SF is like our very own Woodstock." And through that haze of beautifully lit up smoke, all that the voice in my head had to say was... I could not agree more...

Untitled

They all say they'll be there forever
but someone always has to leave
It's just three days of heaven
That you can hope for, wish for and when over; grieve
You stand there in line
but it's always just the same
No matter how much you loathe crowds
They're the only time you can claim
That everything feels like it's okay
That no matter what happens, you want to stay
And when you see it's the fourth day
You don't know what to say
Coz suddenly the dream is over
and once more you're awake
And no matter how much you tell yourself otherwise
Your dream felt a lot less fake
So you trudge about till next year
pretending to be the same
But you don't feel anything
Till November once again calls your name...

Wish You Were Here...

Dear Stan,

You are a fool to have left us so
Little Juna still goes to that field everyday
to wait for you
She doesn't believe us when we say you are not coming back
She believes in you
And you left...
Your mother sits on the porch all day
watching the tree you used to climb
Your father has never put down that glass
It is always full
He doesn't drink too much though
But it is his only companion
Whiskey still sits with hopeful eyes at the door
He wags his tail every single time a car drives up
and his ears droop each time he realizes it's not you...

And I?
I'm okay.
Life goes on
or as you would say "The show must go on"...
Well... it has...
except, no one cares anymore
And no one's around to make us laugh at ourselves
And we think about you a lot...

Your friends came by yesterday
It was your birthday
Not that I expect you to remember or care!
You never did when you were here
Well, we all sat together
We talked about days long gone by...
We talked about you
and how it was good that you finally got away from this place that bothered you so
...
But you left us here darling...

Remember how we used to sit in one circle and sing till dawn?
We did that last night
We missed you so
I would like to say no one cried...
but we did...
I did...
I'm sorry darling
I jus...
I just wish you were still here with us...
That's all...
Wish you were here...

...