Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Stories
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Isolation-I
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
The Endless Story
Break-up season is here again. Not that it makes any difference to me, personally. But everyone around me seems to be losing their mind. I'd laugh if it weren't so sad. And once again, I'm sixteen years old, convincing an old friend not to go ahead with her grand plan of revenge. It's a year later and I'm sneaking out of my home and into a friend's, eyes on the bottle she won't let go off. That was all so long ago... I guess some things never change.
It should be a comforting thought, in this crazy crazy world. But... it's not. If everything has to change, why can't the sad things change too? Why won't the things that are wrong, change? It's a messed up place, and it seems like it's only the beautiful things that we're all out to destroy.
In a world like this one, there's nothing to do, but survive. You do what you can. And you do what you have to. If everything was always pleasant, the rain wouldn't mean a thing. And every silver lining's got a touch of gray.
But, in the end, words are words. And they can be forgotten. Or remembered even when they were never exchanged. Like smoke, words are swirling, hazy and momentary. Memories are nothing but the stale scent of smoke clinging to your clothes.
Change, darling.
It's all you can do.
----------------
Now playing: Pink Floyd - Comfortably Numb
via FoxyTunes
Saturday, July 18, 2009
The Dark Side
Z : Come over to the dark side, we have cookies.
What is this vague concept of belonging? I'd rather have the instant and relatively certain gratification to be obtained from the promised cookies.
A : The cookies wont last long.
Z : Neither will you.
It's not that I don't believe in a world where honor and courage are qualities every soul instinctively possesses. And where love is something more than an insipid word borrowed from millions of poets and artists who caught a mere glimpse of that realm. But this world is not that one. I believe in God too. I'm just not sure if the God I believe in exists.
A : The existence doesn't matter. Your belief does. This world is lost. Caught in a spiraling whirlpool that sucks out what we dream of as 'love'. But the remnants must still be found. And they can be. Look out through the window.
Z : You assume, vainly I may add, that love is what everyone is looking for. Don't be so quick in projecting your hopes and aspirations and reasons for your existence to an entire world, even though I must say, I fear you're justified in doing so.
A : It's an example. The most popular story of something valuable that was lost. So much more is gone, to our infinite grief. Or maybe not. How can we grieve something we never knew? But there are flashes of a world long ago, a few crumbled pieces.
Z : I'm tired of wandering aimlessly in crumbling ruins of forgotten parts, yet I cannot, cannot go. It doesn't mean I want to stay. It's just that I don't think I can leave. And it's too loud a world out there. This may not be sanctuary, but it really may be all there is. The stragglers? Or just shadows from that world we keep worshiping? I don't know. And sometimes I fear it's just another answer that I will never be able to find.
A : It's a world in your head, in the dark recesses of your mind left unplumbed. Maybe you don't have a reason to cross over, maybe not a reason compelling enough. But the shadows surround you and if you want to escape them, find the sanctuary within yourself. But the shadows beckon. And someday you will give in to their lure.
Z : These shadows you speak so fondly of? I've lived with them so long, I'm not sure which earth flies below my own feet anymore. Perhaps its doesn't matter. Perhaps someday I'll have to worry about having a place to belong. For now, I want to watch the moon through broken shards of stained glass windows that stubbornly cling to dilapidated walls. It's beautiful. And for tonight, it's reason enough to stay...
----------------
Now playing: Bob Dylan - It's Alright Ma (Bleeding)
via FoxyTunes
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Fly...
The guilt is inescapable. Our children will never be free. I wish you would listen, I wish you would stop. I wish I could fly away.
And I don't even have a window in my room.
Ah, Peter...
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Quit?
After a particularly insane week, the only bit that worries me is that the idea isn't one I even considered. Quit? Why? And more importantly, what? Still, it's getting quite bothersome to keep up with who isn't doing what and what not to do with whom. If you know what I mean...
Oh, for the record, the two people I mentioned? Stoned and drunk respectively. (Emphasis added) Later.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
I Love Holidays
I love holidays.
^_^
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Mad Girl's Love Song
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"
Monday, February 23, 2009
I know my dear
she whispers
half a choking cry
"I know my dear"
he begins to say
but instead stops to watch her die
"I don't want to be saved"
she breathes
watching the wind in the leaves
"I know my dear"
he begins to say
but instead prepares to grieve
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Happy Valentine's Day. Bleh.
The Perfect Guy
TAKE THIS SURVEY!
Section 1
Hair color?Black
Eye color?
Black/brown/gray
Height?
Around 6 feet
Six pack?
Yes please *laughs*
Long hair or short?
Short and messy
Glasses?
Doesn't matter
Piercings?
Bonus
Eyebrows?
-
Buff or skinny?
Skinny
Teeth?
-
Section 2
Funny or serious?A nice blend
Party-hopper or more stay-at-home?
Party at home?
Should he be able to bake or cook?
Both
Does he have a best friend?
Yes
Is it okay for him to have a lot of female friends?
It's okay, but I'd prefer it if his guy friends were way more in number. Don't know why.
Out-going or shy?
A combination
Sarcastic or sincere?
Sincerely sarcastic... haha.
Does he love his mother?
I suppose so. Doesn't matter.
Should he watch chick-flicks?
Only if he has nothing else to do.
Would he be a smoker?
Probably. Actually, yes.
How about drinking?
Yeah
And swearing?
Irrelevant
Would he play with your hair?
I dunno
Would he have more than one girlfriend at a time?
NO
Would he pay for you when you're on a date?
No
Does he kiss on the first date?
No
Where would you go for dinner?
Somewhere with nice music
Would he buy you flowers?
Once a year at the most
Would he lay under the stars with you and spout random philosophies?
*sigh* yes?
Would he write poetry about you?
Songs would be cooler
Would he use endearments?
Probably
Would he hang out with your and YOUR friends?
Once in a while, even though he wouldn't like it very much
How about you hanging out with him and HIS friends?
Once in a while
Would he walk you up to the door at the end of the evening?
Yes
Would you hold hands?
Not too often
Section 3
Does he play soccer?Yes
Baseball?
Irrelevant
Football?
Irrelevant
Basketball?
Often
Water polo?
Irrelevant
Golf or something equally boring?
Irrelevant
Does he surf?
That would be cool
Skateboard?
Bonus!!!
Snowboard?
Irrelevant
Can he sing?
Yes
Play the guitar?
Yes. Definitely.
Play piano?
Hmmm...
Play the drums?
Yes
Can he keep his room clean?
Lol, doesn't matter
Is he an artist of sorts?
Yeah...
Does he write his own music?
Once in a while... and it's great
Does he have pets?
He loves them
Section 4
Does he use the word dude?Yeah
How about tight?
Only to describe music
Would he watch the sun rise and set with you?
If we're awake, why not?
What kind of car does he drive?
One that he loves
How old is he?
About a couple of years older than me
What's his name?
*sigh* I wish I knew...
CLICK HERE TO TAKE THIS SURVEY!
MySpace Surveys
Love and Drugs
Love
Valentine's day
Where's my gun?
I need to go
Away
Drugs
Awful things
Infiltrate your mind
Make everything else irrelevant
Pass?
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Even if...
Subtract the cruelty, but keep the cold rain
And we shiver in the darkness
oh, looks like we forgot the lights again
and the sun's long gone
and letters that will remain unsent
Scattered around the past
Living a life that seems to be on rent
and we laugh
and lets close our first two eyes
Blind ourselves to the dark
and all the silly pointless lies
that keep us safe
Like the cold
because it remembers to preserve
Remembers, unlike us, who live to forget
And so, each other we deserve
Hold my hand
And it isn't saying I'll always care
It's just all I can do
You know I'll always be there
Even if...
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Pictures in Books...
So do you hide your pictures of me?
Press them in quietly hidden books
In old forgotten cartons,
And all the places she never looks?
Do you smile every time they play our song?
Or do you just close your eyes?
Do you think of farmhouses and laughter?
And cold darkening November skies?
Do you ever think of me?
And all the times that we had?
Do memories of me make you laugh?
Or do they only make you sad?
Did you ever read my letter?
The one I wrote right after we fought
I wanted you to know I was sorry
but in my pride I was caught...
But I don't think that can be
I jus wrote this song coz, darling,
I was going through some old books you see...
Monday, December 22, 2008
Untitled
but someone always has to leave
It's just three days of heaven
That you can hope for, wish for and when over; grieve
You stand there in line
but it's always just the same
No matter how much you loathe crowds
They're the only time you can claim
That everything feels like it's okay
That no matter what happens, you want to stay
And when you see it's the fourth day
You don't know what to say
Coz suddenly the dream is over
and once more you're awake
And no matter how much you tell yourself otherwise
Your dream felt a lot less fake
So you trudge about till next year
pretending to be the same
But you don't feel anything
Till November once again calls your name...
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Love v Peace
If you are at peace, you may never feel the need for love...
If you were given a choice, what would you choose?
Love? or Peace?
Monday, October 6, 2008
Untitled
She looked up at the streetlight.
It seemed to shine into her soul.
Giggling softly, she tried pushing the beam away, but it didn't move.
She glared at it for a while and then slowly stepped out of its range.
Twirling, she laughed, and a lone star twinkled in the distant night sky.
She took a few steps forward, still smiling, and then froze, trying to remember why she was here.
She stood still for a long time.
At the center of the crossing.
The traffic lights fascinated her, especially when they changed colors.
Colors.
She liked colors.
Didn't she?...
She blinked, and then started walking again.
It wasn't exactly a straight line, but it wasn't a drunken walk either.
She remembered she was supposed to look out for policemen, but she didn't remember why.
Was she supposed to go to them?
Hide from them?
Ask them something?
Run as fast as she could?
Confused, she lit a cigarette.
"Smoking. Always smoking." she scolded herself like she was supposed to.
No.
Wait.
Wasn't that someone else?
Another drag, and a silly smile lit her face.
And she twirled again, dark hair clashing with falling rain.
Her laughter echoed softly in empty alleys
and she went around in little circles till she couldn't breathe anymore.
Tired knees hit the wet grass as she collapsed...
and a sob escaped her throat.
"Why do you cry, fair child?" he asked
As he knelt beside the girl
"I only want my memory
Its lost somewhere in this world"
They searched far and wide, but the memory was truly lost.
And then one day, it was already time for frost
So she shooed him and his sparrows to summer
and he cursed at the maiden as she bid him farewell...
But she hates him not
neither does she love
She only needs her memories to build
her stairway to the heavens above...
Till she finds those run-away memories, she needs to make new ones
So...
She laughs at the streetlights
coz they remind her of the sun
and how it will eventually destroy her.
And that could be called a memory, couldn't it?
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Pictures in Old Books
So do you hide your pictures of me?
Stuff them in the middle of your books
In old forgotten cartons,
And all the places she never looks?
Do you smile every time they play our song?
Or do you just close your eyes?
Do you think of farmhouses and laughter?
And cold darkening November skies?
Do you ever think of me?
And all the times that we had?
Do memories of me make you laugh?
Or do they only make you sad?
Did you ever read my letter?
The one I wrote right after we fought
I wanted you to know I was sorry
but in my pride I was caught...
But I don't think that can be
I jus wrote this song coz, darling,
I was going through some old books you see...