True Story # 1

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Lying upside down in a tiny hotel room, in a black dress and pointed heels, smoking a cigarette, watching Alvin and the Chipmunks sing for Christmas on TV.
While a guy she'd met for the first time the evening before took a shower.
Her phone which lay beside her, almost out of charge, told a tale of a call list she could only cringe at. The only charger they had between them was in her bag, which was incidentally with the manager of the last bar they hit the night before. It also contained all her money, both her cards and enough stuff to put her in jail for 7 years.

Also, she was missing her 21st and 22nd hours of a certain class.

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(As related to this blogger, last winter)

Since it's getting early

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We missed out on entire worlds. There aren't even any tickets. It's like wanting to go somewhere with absolutely no way to get there. Not 'like', that's exactly what it is. That's pretty strange, you know? I mean, those kind of things aren't supposed to happen, right? But I guess all sorts of things happen here... wherever that is...

Anyhow, I'm quite exhausted, though I don't really know why. Maybe I just need a change of scene. I'm tired of watching the sun come in the window every morning, and tired of staring at the same four walls. It doesn't mean I love my room any lesser, but I just have to get out for a while. I can't believe I've been here for an entire week. Wow. That's a lot of time. That's 1/3rd of my holiday. But then again, time always passes slower when you're away.

I spent a lot of time on the terrace today. I remember why I like Gray so much. Gray skies are the nicest kind.

I also ruined my headphones. The wire got caught in the door. Don't ask. It was a highly spaz move. It's a pity 'cause these were really great headphones. They shall be deeply missed...

Moving on, I just feel like typing, so I shall ramble on for a while. I don't believe a pack of Milds now costs Rs. 94! That's just horrible! And wrong!!! This doesn't help anyone! We'll all have to switch to cheaper cigarettes and die! As of now, it's Navy Cuts, but you can't smoke them one after the other for too long. Sigh, such trauma.

I have to go to town tomorrow to meet part of 'The 8'. And 'lunch' is in Mangalore Paradise. Sounds like a full day again. It'll be kind of relieving after the annoying day I had today (though it did end well). Someone almost broke my door down in the afternoon. Bastards. I freaked out and decided to clean the room. Unfortunately that involved consumption, after which I ditched the bank plan and passed out instead. I really do want the fool dead...

Oh no, now I've gotten all worked up again. Tch. I'm sharing my room with a mouse and a frog. It's so bothersome cause I chase them out every morning and they're back by evening! I don't even know what to do anymore...

For now, I shall finish this bottle of water and then try falling asleep. Great. Now a stupid moth has joined the party. I can't even begin to be bothered. Sigh. Goodnight folks. And remember, Rock 'n Roll is here to stay!
^_^



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Now playing: Grateful Dead - Touch of Grey
via FoxyTunes

E-Ya^2 yo

E-ya E-ya, yo!

Quit?

The seasons are changing. Unrequited love is on it's way out and quitting is in. Whether it's cigarettes, marijuana, alcohol or gambling, everyone around seems to be "taking a break". I was just talking to a couple of people I know; one is going to quit smoking weed while the other plans not to drink for the next six months.

After a particularly insane week, the only bit that worries me is that the idea isn't one I even considered. Quit? Why? And more importantly, what? Still, it's getting quite bothersome to keep up with who isn't doing what and what not to do with whom. If you know what I mean...

Oh, for the record, the two people I mentioned? Stoned and drunk respectively. (Emphasis added) Later.

Untitled

(Originally typed out on 06th June 2008)

She poured out another shot and downed it. After an entire week of agonizing, she had made up her mind. She was going to go talk to him tonight, no matter what. And as she slipped out of the dim bar determinedly, she even had the entire conversation planned out in her head. What she would say in response to every thing he could say. She had even decided where they would talk and how she would bring about the topic. She was sick of the thoughts rattling in her head. And tired of trying to guess what he was thinking.

He stood outside on the balcony, a half forgotten cigarette dangling loosely from his lips. It was a nice night. He looked back into the house and saw the file lying on the table. An odd expression flitted across his face, and then he smiled, taking a deep drag and exhaling slowly into the cold night air. It was going to be a long night.

So, after a few more shots of vodka - for the warmth - she made her way across the busy streets towards his house. It was a pretty night. The city lights drowned out most of the stars, but the ones that she could still see were beautiful enough. She was wearing her black dress. The one she was wearing the first time they had met. She wondered if he would notice, or remember... She didn't think so... She didn't know if she wanted him to... It would be less painful if he had forgotten. She didn't know why but she wanted to see him while she was in it, considering it was the last time she was going to see him, at least for a while.

He made his way into the house and sat down in the dimly lit room. He glanced up at the file and muttered to himself. A short laugh followed by a frown. He looked away from the table and his gaze fell upon the small box lying under a chair. Standing up, he made his way towards it, a strange look upon his face. Kneeling by the chair, he pulled out the box with slightly trembling hands. It fit in his palm, and he stared at it for a long while.

It wasn't like she wanted him back, she reminded herself. It was just that this needed to be over, and the only way she could do that was talk to him, get it out of her system. She wasn't going to cry. No matter what, she was not going to cry. A wave of dizziness washed over her and she made her way to the sidewalk where she sat down at the edge of the road, resting her head against a cool metal pole. She knew she shouldn't be drinking. Not tonight. She pulled out a cigarette and a matchbox. Unable to light it because of the way her hands were shaking, she rummaged around in her bag until she found the lighter. Click. Light. Drag. Something fluttered to the ground, and as she picked up the faded photograph, a tear finally found its way down her pale face.

It seemed like he hadn't moved for hours. He knew he shouldn't open the box. God knows he wanted to, but he couldn't. Not now. It would surely destroy him. Turning it around he traced the crack along the side of it with his thumb. He closed his eyes as if something had just stabbed him in the heart. Why tonight? Why did he have to find it tonight?? Pictures ran through his mind and his eyes shot open. No. He couldn't close his eyes right now. It made him remember. He didn't want to. Not now.

She looked up at the house. The address seemed right, though it looked as if no one was home. She walked up to the door... and suddenly, it all seemed too pointless. What was the use? She was kidding herself if she thought one conversation would actually help her. But this wasn't about her. She owed him an apology... No... She owed him an explanation. She stared at the door bell for a while, and shook her head. A rain drop fell from the skies and she turned to leave...

He stared at the box for what seemed like eternity. The cool wind told him it was about to rain. Rain. He hated the rain. He hated it because it reminded him of strawberries and long sad conversations... and because it reminded him of the last time he had seen her. Had she been crying? It was impossible to tell because of that rain... Standing up suddenly, he made his way unsteadily to the phone. Holding the receiver up to his ear, he dialed the all-to-familiar number. It had been so long, yet every digit was engraved in his memory.

She walked away quickly from the house, suddenly afraid of running into him. Her flight out of the country was in a few hours. A few more hours and she would never see him again.
No. That moment passed by the last time it rained. As the water started falling faster from the skies, she looked up and smiled, glad it was raining. But, it didn't really matter anymore... This time there was no one around to hide the tears from. And there were no tears to hide. Making her way onto the porch of an empty house, she leaned against the pillar and slid to the ground. There was no point. None.

An image of her in her long black dress made its way into his mind and he hung up before it connected. What could he say? There was nothing he could offer as way of explanation. The truth would only hurt more than the silence did. She couldn't know. He couldn't let her find out. The file on the table seemed to mock him. Leaning against the wall, he raised his eyes to the ceiling. There was no point. It was over.

And so the door was never opened, and the phone never answered. Simply because she never knocked... and he never called. And the faded photograph continued to fade away in a corner of the bag while the broken box stayed broken. The rain continued to fall on two people halfway across the world from one another... and even though it shouldn't have mattered because there was no point... it continued to matter.

Letter to a Friend

To A Friend,

Yes, things do get better.

No, it just seems like you're the only one. Things go wrong arbitrarily. As hard as it may seem to believe, no omnipotent power is picking on you.

Maybe sometimes you ARE just making a big deal out of it. Sometimes.

Wallowing in regret is pointless. Really. Learn from something if you must, but don't brood.

Appreciation and flattery are two different things.

Suicide is cowardly.

Sometimes, you are snapped at because the other person is annoyed with life. Not everything is about you.

Drinking to the point of death will not solve anything. So if you're drinking to "stop the pain", its just sad. Stop.

If you really want something, give it your best, not your all.

And if you can't change it, accept it.


But most importantly, Don't worry and (you will) be Happy.
Let it Be.
"Life is very short and there's no time, for fussing and fighting my friend".
Live and let live.

Peace.

Sorry

I lay here, too dead to cry
The pain still so fucking loud
Mesmerizing golden headlights
are the last things we ever saw
I raise my hand to shake you
but you refuse to breathe
It's getting darker and colder
and I just can't seem to see...
I hold your hand and feel it vanish
and I hear them whisper that you're gone
But I know if I refuse to open my eyes
I can somehow surely hang on
They tell me that it's time to let go
They tell me I just need to grieve
But how can I explain to them all
With you, I've ceased to breathe
I can still feel the fire
I can hear the voices ring
"Slow down, Please slow down"
rise slowly in the silent din
I stumble through the darkness
I can hear you call my name
Oh darling, I wish I had listened
I am the only one to blame...

Untitled

I follow me one by one
Hazy moon, what a tease!
Another shot, another drink
No thank you. Thank you, please.

Chasing silent swirling smoke
We live it, yeah live it our way
Free falling off the highest cliffs
Watch that spot, watch it fade away

And he said, yeah he said
"I loved you once, with all my heart"
and another shot, another shot
You just can't stop once you really start

Laugh away the misery
once it finds, yeah, finds it's way
To lose something oh-so clever
You have to darling, have to go astray

And then you hear the voices whisper
oh, you can hear them all say
"Poor darling. Poor darling"
"She's gone, gone the wrong way"

But the magic in you, it only laughs
And you hold your head up, your head up high
Coz Calvin Keith calls out to you
And you learn to walk on those clouds in the sky

Watch her as she walks out your door
Spinning, like swirling smoke spinning around
She laughs, laughs at all of your hopeless pleas
And you never see, see a single sound

Quieter than a shattering heart
Shattering glass is much quieter my dear
But once it's broken, dance in this darkness
Drink with me, there's nothing left to fear

And they'll call us all sorts of wicked names
but we'll raise our glasses, raise 'em high
We'll laugh at their ignorance
and we'll kiss that same old purple sky

Forget the ghosts, ghosts of memories
that haunt your fragmented confused mind
Watch the pieces fall away bit by broken bit
Let's just leave them, leave them all behind

And you may still cry once in a while
Here's two for the morning, two for the night
Everything will be better, much better darling
With the smoke, see them, see them all vanish out of sight.

Yeah, they'll shake their heads in practiced pity
And we'll clink, yeah clink our glasses high
I'll laugh for us. You, You bring your guitar
And we'll drown out every single strangling sigh!

They'll watch us, watch while we live
And wonder what we're really up to
Another shot, another drink
No thank you. Please, Thank you.


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Now playing: Third Eye Blind - Forget Myself
via FoxyTunes

Sober - Tool

Sober

There's a shadow just behind me,
shrouding every step I take,
making every promise empty,
pointing every finger at me.
Waiting like a stalking butler
who upon the finger rests.
Murder now the path called must we
just before the son has come.

Jesus, won't you fucking whistle
something but the past and done?
Jesus, won't you fucking whistle
Something but the past and done?

Why can't we not be sober?
I just want to start this over.
Why can't we drink forever.
I just want to start this over.
I am just a worthless liar.
I am just an imbecile.
I will only complicate you.
Trust in me and fall as well.
I will find a center in you.
I will chew it up and leave,
I will work to elevate you
just enough to bring you down.

Mother Mary won't you whisper
something but the past and done.
Mother Mary won't you whisper
something but the past and done.

Why can't we not be sober?
I just want to start this over.
Why can't we sleep forever.
I just want to start this over.
I am just a worthless liar.
I am just an imbecile.
I will only complicate you.
Trust in me and fall as well.
I will find a center in you.
I will chew it up and leave,
Trust me. Trust me. Trust me. Trust me. Trust Me.

Why can't we not be sober?
I just want to start this over.
Why can't we sleep forever.
I just want to start this over.

I want what I want.
I want what I want.
I want what I want.
I want what I want.

Tool

Merry Christmas

What did I do for Christmas?

Drank wine, Learned to play Table Tennis, spent a few hours after midnight sitting on a road and then waited for dawn on a roof. Oh, and also went walking in a botanical garden at 7 in the morning...

It was the most random evening ever. We spent most of the night in the gym of Rubix building playing pool and table tennis.

Maybe I should back up a little. The original plan for Christmas involved 4 of us, 5 liters of beer and an empty house. But then Rubix messaged in the middle of my Crim viva asking about Christmas plans. Thus, a little before 7 pm, Miss Sunshine, Resoluter, Harry Potter and I landed up at Pecos to meet Rubix.

Resoluter was making the wall sketches on tissue papers and Anthony, the waiter, kept coming over and showing us neat tricks. And if that wasn't enough, they played Bob Dylan's "Blowing in the Wind"! They even played "High Hopes". My day was made. ^_^

Then Rubix, Resoluter and Miss Sunshine decided we should go to Rubix' place and play pool. A few of us went and bought wine, while the others set out to buy food, and then we walked all the way to Rubix' home.

The next few hours were madness. Harry Potter was teaching me how to play Table Tennis, Resoluter and Rubix were playing Pool and Miss Sunshine was the "Wine-Girl". We played for hours! Then the table broke and we spent the next many minutes trying to put it back together.

At some point in the evening, I was convinced that I had just returned from a concert where Aldemen and I had argued about Janis Joplin's real age while she sang on stage. Don't ask. I also wanted to hit Resoluter on his head with a bottle of vodka because I was sure it was made of plastic. Hmmm. So maybe I wasn't as sober as I first thought. -_-

After a few hours of sitting on the road, smoking and arguing about different perspectives on trust and friends, we made our way to Rubix' roof, where some random guy yelled at us from across the street. Considering it wasn't even dawn and we were all singing at the top of our voices, I guess it was kinda our fault... Anyhow, Harry Potter yelled right back at him and then we decided it would be warmer - not to mention safer - if we sat on the lower roof.

We waited for dawn there. Huddled up together against the cold. Since it was too early for breakfast in town, we decided to go to MTR... where we were told we would have to wait for forty five minutes! To kill time, we went walking in the Botanical Garden. It was trippy. Early morning walkers and joggers were giving us the strangest looks and it didn't help matters that we were running around imitating the strange things people do in these morning walks. You know... like hold out your arms and walk around as if you were a plane, hop on one leg, spin while moving forward... That kinda thing.

After an hour of sunbathing (those three boys are very lazy) and a brief account of what I'd told Miss Sunshine the night before (like the Janis Joplin code of truth - once again... don't ask), we decided India Coffee House would be ready for us by now. Here, I spent a lot of time sandwiched between Resolution Boy and Rubix. We ate moving only our wrists!!! Not very comfortable. But it was fun.

After saying goodbye to Rubix and a long auto ride back 'home' - throughout which Res Boy kept sleeping - there was nothing to do but sleep. And sleep we did. 7 straight hours, followed by dinner, ice cream and 6 more hours of sleep. I had the merriest Christmas I have ever had!

And we didn't even need a tree!
^_*