A Million Different Thoughts

There were a million different thoughts in my head today. Things I was supposed to come back and think about. Instead I chose to indulge in conversation that's been put off too long. And not just once, but twice! Anyway, advice doesn't help when it contradicts itself. And now I've forgotten what it was that I wanted to talk about.

It must have had something to do with the perfect place that was in my head all day, and which I finally found. (Thank you Agent Zero!!!) It could have something to do with the mid-night jam session that I was surrounded by for a few precious minutes... but I don't really remember what it was anymore... and it's so perfectly and unfairly fine.

I give it one more day. I always give it one more day. That might be part of the problem. I shouldn't sleep. It's already past four. And if I try and sleep now, there is no way I shall get to class tomorrow. Which I have to get to. I must.

But if I stay up all night, I'll just fall asleep in class and be thrown out. Ah, the logic the mind uses when it's been deprived of sleep for long enough! The only alternative is missing class. Again. Which I can not do. Not again.

I guess we're not the only ones who the universe plays with. I guess. I would say "I hope", but that would make me sound crueler than I really feel at the moment, which is never fun. Well, almost never.

And I know, that a year from now, none of this will matter. None of it. And that should be the worst part, but it's always the best. The unavoidable sense of the transient nature of it all. Nothing else matters, nothing but now, because now is greater than the past, and I know that. Damn it. There were too many commas in the previous sentence, but I really don't care anymore, so if this post annoys you, deal with it.

I shouldn't have. I should have. Only delaying the inevitable. You're always delaying the inevitable, but if you're really trying to stop that, you may as well try to fly. But you don't. Perhaps because sometimes, delaying the inevitable is only human? Perhaps. I wouldn't know. And I don't care.

I would lie. I do. But I would do it so much more often if you promised me I would get away with it. But then again, I would probably not believe you. So why try? "Lie or be lied to". "Deceive or be deceived". And it doesn't make you noble if you go ahead and try to prove the whole world wrong. It makes you stupid. Are you listening Mave dear? Never noble. Only stupid. We were so young. Everyone was, but does that mean it's not an excuse anymore?

I know I'm rambling. I may also be ranting. But it's past four in the morning. And I'm tired. And most importantly, typing has become so much easier than writing. I think that's fucked up. I really do. But, whatever works. And whatever works worked so long that I don't want to mess with it.

Even though that implies that I shouldn't have meddled with a lot of things that were moving along just fine. I guess that means we were right. We would mess up everything we had. Which is cool, because it was all about delaying the inevitable. There was a point made about this, wasn't there?

I could go on forever. I probably would, if it wasn't for the decision that has to be made now. Get a couple of hours of sleep or stay awake till it's time to leave. And that is so silly-ly profound, it's not even funny.

It's not fair that words and songs and quotes and memories get associated with people who you once knew. And it's pretty retarded to say that memories shouldn't do that, but it still isn't fair, because it makes you feel guilty about forgetting. Like getting flowers. Unless they're dead, but that's pretty retarded too.

I should sleep. I think I shall go now.

Untitled

You have a place in my dream
Walking cycle
Weeping dog
Come aboard
I welcome you all
Ignore the crumbling ceiling
It just won't stay the right way up
And don't pay any attention to the screaming you know is in your head
That's just the terrible teenage twins, in trouble again, though they're dead
But still here.

Just keep walking
and you can all stay with me
We shall sing and laugh into the night
and I won't expect anything from you

Was I not mad ta you
a million multi-flavored lifetimes ago?
Can't be sure
Well, it doesn't really matter anymore...

So sit down.
Talk to me.
Tell me about the places you have been.
Tell me about places where I shall go.
I see green.
i see blood.
I hear screams
and I know it's all a dream
But I'm still falling
and falling
and falling
and I want to wake up before I crash

So sit down, you lonely ant
and be my friend.

An Experiment in November Rain

0342
Let's record one. I love these experiment-like things!! Am listening to 'The Perfect Drug'. hehe. Appropriate?

0358
That would be almost 20 minutes, yeah? Good enough. Track now playing is 'Road Tripping'... Brings back memories... Kay, enough reminiscing!!! Let's make a scene. *laughs*

0426
Wow, that took longer than it should have!

So, the holidays are here. Again. It seems like this trimester just began, but then when I think back, it's been so long! Not in sense of time, but of memories. Well, that sounds gay(not that there's anything wrong with that). What I mean is, it's been a long trimester in term of events. The repeats, Admit One, Strawberry Fields, Rubix, Christmas, New Year's eve, Attendance shortage, etc. You get what I mean!

November Rain. Why would you want it to stop?
I just wish November Rain would keep falling...

My Song

I used to sing a song of delight
I sang it every single day
A song of clouds and sunshine
But that was before I lost my way

I went down the path to the woods
Where I was sent to grow
But instead of a left, I chose right
And now I don't know where to go

And there's no one here to ask
I can't find anyone around
The people here are all flying in the sky
Or buried in the ground

I don't mind the foggy road
And I don't mind that it's long
All that bothers me
Is that I no longer remember my song...