Lessons?

I learned that

Sometimes when you snap at everyone around you and hate the world, it's just yourself you're mad at.

Sometimes you need someone on the outside to tell you that.

When you do something because you're afraid of hurting someone, most of the time you're pretty scared for yourself too. Because you don't know what hurting them will do to you.

You can't run away... No matter how far you go, what you're running from ends up right behind you.

You are much stronger than you think.
And much weaker than you have to be.

No matter how many things change, some things always stay the same.

These things are things you always knew, but that one funny morning they can all hit you like a sky diving blue whale.

The world is rather dramatic.

The number of coincidences we all live with are too many and too strange to be just coincidences.

Sometimes you can love someone for who they are to you and at the same time loathe them for who they pretend to be.

There is nothing or no one you can not live without.

Decisions can still be good decisions even if the reasons are completely messed up.

The "smart" people you know are often pretty dumb.

Superficiality is not given the credit it deserves.

I like drawing flowers.

Posts like this one sound like corny forwards, but that doesn't make them lies.
Just annoying.

Later...

Calvin Keith

I knew a boy who lived on this lane
His name was Calvin Keith
He walked with his head held high
And the clouds below his feet
He was a giddy fool
Or perhaps he was the smartest of us all
For though the world crumbled around
Clever Calvin would never fall
Some said it was because he was dumb
and he never felt the earth shake
Others said it was all his fault
And that he had made the world quake
Calvin Keith the clever kid
He heard every word they said
But he never did anything at all
Not even wish they all were dead
The town, convinced he was possessed
Sought to "save" him from certain hell
But Content Calvin Keith was stubborn
and maybe a little crazy as well
For Calvin Jumped onto a white horse
and laughed as the people chased him around
An just when Calvin looked like he was cornered
He rode right out of town
The people; they were confused
For no one had ever left before...
So "crazy" Calvin Keith
became a legend for evermore...

My Song

I used to sing a song of delight
I sang it every single day
A song of clouds and sunshine
But that was before I lost my way

I went down the path to the woods
Where I was sent to grow
But instead of a left, I chose right
And now I don't know where to go

And there's no one here to ask
I can't find anyone around
The people here are all flying in the sky
Or buried in the ground

I don't mind the foggy road
And I don't mind that it's long
All that bothers me
Is that I no longer remember my song...

Finding Nemo

Dear Nemo,

I wish I knew where you were darling. But don't worry, I will find you. Just hold on, everything will be back to normal soon, trust me... I will never stop looking! I love you. See you soon.


Dear Nemo,

It's been over a year now... Don't worry dear, we'll find you. I am still looking... Just got a little diverted. But who is to say that this way won't get me to you quicker? Just because it is an easy path to get lost on doesn't mean everyone who walks it will lose their way. I'm on my way Nemo... I will find you.



Dear Nemo,

Remember the path I told you I was on? Well, it's kinda led me somewhere else... A place I don't know if I'll be able to leave from. I will find you Nemo. Don't worry. And I will always love you. I hope you are safe. And happy.

Attendance...

Looks like I do have an attendance shortage after all. Family Law. Damn it. Damn it damn it damn it!!!

Okay, I need to think calmly and rationally. I have till day after tomorrow. Tomorrow is a holiday so nothin can be done then. No medical certificate nor any exam dept. begging. And day after, I have till about five. What am I gonna do???

The worst part is I don't remember the dates! Hey! I've missed only 2 classes since sf! And one class where she didn't gimme attendance because I was late. Screwed. Royally. Oh dear, whatever am I going to do???

I think I need to go now... I'll just... chill for a while before I start studying? Yeah. Something like that. For a bit...

I Feel Responsible

It's a little after six-thirty in the morning. I don't really get to be conscious at this time very often. Awake maybe, but completely in my senses? Too much to ask...

Anyhow, I woke up at 0515 and couldn't get back to sleep. Luckily I remembered that I was supposed to present some case in Crim. Usually, I couldn't care less... but with her threat of "cutting attendance" and my already dead and rotting record this trim (in attendance), I decided to read the case.

Now, my real purpose of not trying to get back to sleep was that this way I would have enough time to "prepare" myself for class... But you know what? Waking up early is strange. It made me rethink the plan... without the usual guilt-trip. I guess insomnia has a larger role to play in over-indulgence than most people realize.

Right now, I'm listening to music and watching the sky grow lighter and lighter... and it's okay. It really is. Sure, I'm not thinking about things I should be thinking about... But cut me some slack here! I'm just a beginner.

I still want to go home... though my reasons have changed. That doesn't mean I've figured out how I'm going to survive for two months without snapping at everything that moves. Nor how I'm going to make it through the day without a single drag. Of any sort. But... I'll manage. At least, I hope I will.


P.S. When I tried to look for a mood on facebook that said "responsible", this is one of the search results:







Enough said.

Sober - Tool

Sober

There's a shadow just behind me,
shrouding every step I take,
making every promise empty,
pointing every finger at me.
Waiting like a stalking butler
who upon the finger rests.
Murder now the path called must we
just before the son has come.

Jesus, won't you fucking whistle
something but the past and done?
Jesus, won't you fucking whistle
Something but the past and done?

Why can't we not be sober?
I just want to start this over.
Why can't we drink forever.
I just want to start this over.
I am just a worthless liar.
I am just an imbecile.
I will only complicate you.
Trust in me and fall as well.
I will find a center in you.
I will chew it up and leave,
I will work to elevate you
just enough to bring you down.

Mother Mary won't you whisper
something but the past and done.
Mother Mary won't you whisper
something but the past and done.

Why can't we not be sober?
I just want to start this over.
Why can't we sleep forever.
I just want to start this over.
I am just a worthless liar.
I am just an imbecile.
I will only complicate you.
Trust in me and fall as well.
I will find a center in you.
I will chew it up and leave,
Trust me. Trust me. Trust me. Trust me. Trust Me.

Why can't we not be sober?
I just want to start this over.
Why can't we sleep forever.
I just want to start this over.

I want what I want.
I want what I want.
I want what I want.
I want what I want.

Tool