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I really do not think I will be able to get out of this one without some serious damage. I suppose it's too late to start worrying about that now. It's also too late to do much, but... well, let's struggle as we drown, shall we?

Maybe

Damn it! I'm almost out of cigarettes! Now I'll *have* to leave the room. I hope the moron who woke me up burns in eternal hell. And the stupid frog is back as well. Maybe I should stop blogging, get rid of my phone and move. Maybe.

Warning! Rant!

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Being an insomniac is the most frustrating thing in the world! You're tired and so very desperately need to fall asleep, but no matter what you try, you just can't. You know that the next day will be horrible if you don't get some sleep, but there's nothing you can do. You tire of the internet, tire of reading, of writing. And you get so very tired of thinking. Something's gotta change. It can't go on like this. I can't go on like this!!! I need sleeping pills. Hell, I'd shoot meth if someone promised I would get to sleep!

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Cycles and Spirals

Step 1.
You decide you may as well give it another shot. You pick up the pieces and start rebuilding your castle of cards.

Step 2.
Things seem to be working out. You grin and pat yourself on the back for making a "good" decision. You sleep well. You've got the foundation ready. A few more cards and you can make the next story.

Step 3.
Things start to get muddled up again. You worry for a bit, but then walk on forward determined. No way are you giving up now!!! Another layer of cards is added.

Step 4.
You run around in circles as a wind starts to blow. You try and protect your card building with your arms loosely around the sleepy clueless structure.

Step 5.
A card falls. You turn and blink and hope and pray... and then watch as everything falls apart.

Step 6.
You sit on the floor in the dark room, cards fallen all around you. You feel dejected, lost and defeated. And you don't know what to do...

Step 7.
A slight wind blows. A card flutters in the wind and falls into your half-open hand. You sigh and pick it up.
An Ace of Spades.

Step 8.
You laugh.

Step 9.
You study the card

Step 10.
You cry

Step 11.
You laugh again

Step 12.
Repeat Steps 8 to 10 till comfortable in the circle. And till certain that it is a sign.

Step 13.
Go back to Step 1.



There's a difference between a cycle and a spiral.

A cycle is repetitive and monotonus.
A Spiral usually ends in a crash or a drowning.
But still...
A spiral ends.

And this?
This is a fucking circle.

Adieu

What's the point?

Of arguing, waiting, yelling, sighing, crying, fighting, trying, explaining, bleeding, dying, pretending...?

Whatever happens, happens.

Deceive or be deceived.
Shoot or be shot.
Lie or be lied to.
...
Leave or be left behind...

Give me a cigarette, a light and I'd be quite content walking in the rain.

Adieu.

Reflections

She looked up and studied the expression on the dark haired girl's face. She saw anger, bitterness, contentment and a weird sense of pride. Oh, and of course there was the sadness. As always. But she was used to that. What she didn't expect to see was that strange look that kept hiding behind all the other masks.

Acceptance...
That's what she would have thought... if it was anyone else she had been studying with such diligence.
But of course, it was just her mind playing tricks on her.
Acceptance???
That was almost as rare to spot as tears, especially where this friend of hers was concerned.
Well, rarer in fact.

Much much rarer if you counted the imbalance that was sure to have hit by now.

And so, she shook her head, walked a couple of steps forward... and exhaled... making sure the other girl was lost behind a wall of fog.

Mirrors either lied completely or made you believe whatever you wanted to believe.

Only problem was, right now, both the options seemed to mean the same thing.
And she wasn't ready for it.
Not at all...