Sympathy unavailable

I'll cry with you if I have to
I'll try and make you laugh
I'll stand by you if you feel alone
I'll be your company
I'll sit with you when you want to cry
I'll try and convince you that your life is worth living

But if you want sympathy, go somewhere else.

Don't expect me to feel sorry for you
Don't expect me to try and snatch that rope away from your hands
Don't expect me to cry because you think you can't "be strong anymore"
Don't expect me to beg you to stop hurting yourself in the ways I do to myself just so you can make a trade

I hate you when you get like this

You want to kill yourself?
You want to hurt?
You want to torture your own mind?
Lie to yourself?
Cry yourself to sleep?
Cling on?

Fine.
Go ahead and fucking do it.
Don't tell me your grand plans.

You want to die?
Then don't give me the gun to keep.
I want NO part in this.
Just leave me alone.
I need no more nightmares.

You are weak and pathetic.
And you fall further in my eyes every single day

The joker was right
Even the best of us fall
Well, you know what I've realized?
I never liked the best amongst us much anyway.

Darkness

Darkness makes a comforting blanket when you know you're surrounded by light. When you know that all you have to do is peer out and you can see the day, darkness is inviting. It's self imposed. It makes everything a little better by making everything worse in your own head, if you know what I mean.

Darkness is scary when you're in a cold empty room and you can not seem to find the light switch. Darkness is confusing when you are afraid to pull back the curtains because you do not know if it would make you feel better to see the sun shining outside or just pitch black nothingness.

Darkness is relative. Black is dark. Gray could be dark. Darkness is annoying if you're waiting for dawn. Darkness is a blessing if you want to hide. Darkness is a friend when you want to cry. Darkness is an enemy when you don't know if they're lying to you.

It's always there though. Darkness is not an absence of light. Darkness is a shade that refuses to permanently fade. Someday the lights are going to go out... And darkness will be waiting. For us all.

I look out at night
Searching for the stars above
But I can't find them

Have you seen the stars?
Do you know where they have gone?
Can you take me there?

Boredom

Familiarity breeds contempt.

I agree. There is no one on this planet with whom you can spend all your time and not have moments when you want to punch them in the face. It may sound cruel - or violent - but it is still true. No such person exists. Even you get annoying to yourself.

So what is the answer?

Something new.

As long as something is new, I can handle it. There is nothing I like better than trying to figure out how something - or someone - works. What makes them tick. It's interesting. And interest is all that matters. What's the use of anything if you're bored of it?

But what do you do once you've solved the puzzle? "As soon as I belong, it's time to Disappear". The world is wide, there is always something to do out there. One day, I'll find some place where I'll want to stay... But for now, I don't mind chasing the answers blowing in the wind... In fact, it isn't even about not minding it. I need to. I want to.

Boredom dictates everything. At least it does for me. Sure, there are other factors. Constraints. But, the basic driving force is boredom. Why do anything? Because I'm bored. I get interested in things fairly easily. I get bored easily too. Because somehow, at the end of the day everything is the same. Everyone is the same.

You think this one time is going to be different. You swear you won't let history repeat itself and so on. But it does. Every. single. time. Yet you keep trying. Hope & Boredom. Lethal combination. Throw in necessity and you have an awesome mix.

You're bored of where you are. You hope there's something better out there. And you need to find it.

There you go! ^_^

On Time, Scars and Songs...

Time is the greatest healer.

We all heal.
Every wound heals, till it either fades away completely or becomes just another old scar. You hardly notice it. It's always there though, innocently and stubbornly clinging on, and once in a while, when you're really quite fu*ked, you notice it... and sometimes you feel a little twinge of pain-like regret, except you don't even recognize the feeling anymore.

Coz time tried healing you so often, but took so very long, that you found other ways to numb the pain. And now wounds don't bother you even when you get hurt. They become scars directly. I think it saves you from a lot of trouble.

Emotions prove their worthlessness further to me every passing day. No no, I'm not saying everyone in the world should lock their hearts away in iron chests at the bottom of dark dungeons. I just mean there are too many people I know who have been fu*ked over by "love". And it's always just so pointless at the end of the day. Here you are bleeding tears for someone who couldn't care less. At the most, all you ever get is their sympathy. Why can't you see that? Why do this to yourself???

Human beings are funny creatures. Do you know what the height of masochism is? Not blades nor eyes of storms. Songs. Songs that remind you of specific moments that now make you feel nothing but overwhelming guilt. Putting them on a loop and watching the walls of the inside of your mind crumble, now that is twisted.

My horoscope for the day

Saturday, January 3
You are drawn to interesting and unusual new people right now. You may make friends with others who have musical or creative talents, or who show a high degree of interest in the spiritual arts and meditation. An old friend may confess a drug problem, though.


Ah...

"You don't know when to stop"

"You don't know when to stop"

I guess you were right. Or perhaps I do know, but I can't seem to find the brakes. Either way, I just hope the path downhill is smooth... at least for a while.

I've seen Angels Fall from Blinding heights

They always go for the best of us.

Them and Us. It's always about this. Who are they? And who are we?

But that's tangential.

Two-Face: The Joker chose me!
Batman: Because you were the best of us. He wanted to prove that even someone as good as you could fall.
Two-Face: And he was right.

From blinding heights and further. At times like those, all you can do is feel guilty just for standing by and watching it happen, even though you know there is nothing you can do. You feel guilty of your association. You can't help but wonder whether you were responsible for them walking to that edge. Whether it was you and your "tainted" being that is somehow responsible for their own fall.

And you can't turn away...