Seasons

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The season of change is still here. Whether or not things are going to stay different is something only time knows. Secrets are burned or buried. Life is pointless, but there's nothing wrong with that. You can't destroy fairy dust. And dead fairies live only as long as you believe in them. I'm not me, but no one really is.

I don't know what tomorrow is going to bring or take away. And what I don't know about, I can't control. Ignorance may not be bliss, but it can come pretty close. Neglect works pretty well too... if you can kill off your conscience.

Even if I could fly, I wouldn't be able to get to the moon. And every single time I try, there's someone waiting to catch me. Tight ropes and burned bridges are fun to walk on. Because you know there are only two ways off. Either you reach the other side or you fall. It's all about balance. And you can't lose what you never had.

I used to think that you could only give what you have. But that isn't completely true. Sometimes you can give away borrowed things, even if you have no right to do so. You have to pay for everything, but that doesn't mean you can't get what you can't afford. You just collect debt. I'll deal with it later. Infinite debt plus a little more is still an infinite amount. And there's no point in worrying about things you can't change.

A fall from here won't be fatal.
And that is what worries me...

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Now playing: Red Hot Chili Peppers - She Looks To Me
via FoxyTunes

Food!

I'm eating healthy cereal crackers with cheese and ketchup. I just finished with the carrot cheese bit, which was awesome fun. I just wish I had some coke... Oh wait! I have Tang!!! Mu hahahaha!!! But that means finding water first. That could just about take forever. Ah well, we'll never know until we try, yes?

God and children

"In the name of God, Ma'am. He'll keep you happy. Whatever you give me, he'll make sure you get ten times more. In the name of the great God, please give me something. Anything."

"God doesn't exist."

She almost felt bad about the shock that flitted across the face of the little girl with the bedraggled hair. Hair that would have loved to be a beautiful brown if it only had a shot. The child couldn't have been more than 8. Or twelve. She could never tell.

"But God is watching out for you. He'll make sure you go far in life. You'll be very wealthy ma'am. Just give us a little money."

"I already told you", said the older girl through gritted teeth, "God. Does. Not. Exist."

The car pulled up and suddenly she felt old. Too old for the day. And too old for the night that was to follow. What right did she have to take away one little girl's belief in an all-powerful-god who was watching over her and would make sure that one day everything would turn out okay?

"Before going, do give us some money sister. Please? Anything."

The door was open and the girl paused. She couldn't really tell why. Perhaps it was the fact that the child had called her sister. Maybe it was because she said please. Or perhaps the girl just wanted to prove a point.

"Fine.", she said shortly, turning around to face the child. She rummaged around in her bag and saw that she had no change, just two coins of five rupees. Holding the coins up between them, she bent down till she was face to face with the girl and stared into her eyes.
"But not in the name of God."

The little girl looked up at her puzzled and she sighed, "There is no such thing as God, kid." And if he did exist, your hair would be pretty, and your eyes bright. You'd be in school and I wouldn't be standing here. And if he does exist, he's no God you should be praying to. And he's definitely not a God in whose name I would EVER do anything. "Go eat something." She hoped God was watching. What would it be? Lightning? A car accident? An aneurysm?

And as she got into the car feeling miserable about what she had just said to someone who probably needed to believe in God much more than she ever did, she looked out the window to see the girl staring at her, a hauntingly beautiful look in her shy eyes. The girl in the car blinked, and the child outside smiled at her shyly. And it was the most beautiful smile the girl had ever seen. All the stoic-ness, all the cold blankness faded away and she grinned it return. The child smiled back wider now.

And as the car pulled away, she rolled down the window and waved. The child waved back shyly... The girl watched her till she was out of sight and then bowed her head. She may not get her soul a place in heaven, but it was at peace for now.

Losing and Failing

I think I would rather lose than fail. Mainly because losing seems like such a relative thing. You lose against someone. You could be awesome, but lose just because someone is better than you. (And someone always is).

On the other hand, if you fail, well... it just means you weren't up to it. And that somehow your failure is a direct consequence of your decisions and actions alone...

I'm afraid I did not lose this time. I failed.

Oh, and the worst part about failure? You can't demand a rematch. You can just hope for another chance.