.
Realized I couldn't leave without a customary holiday post. But I was going to. Which is strange. I guess things change.
No more food whenever I want
(except there is)
No more cold,
white
metal bars that leave lines
and lines
and hurt
No more endless sleeplessness
(except there is)
No more soft, warm comfort
(except there is)
No more sobriety
Hell, yeah!
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Now playing: Lounge Piranha - Ebb
via FoxyTunes
Showing posts with label delhi. Show all posts
Showing posts with label delhi. Show all posts
Friday, November 6, 2009
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Between the Bars
.
I lean closer to the cold white bars hoping believing needing to think that the glowing lights in the sky are fake unreal false just like the lying comfort offered by a box full of twenty entire cigarettes knowing that we'll only crush destroy burn BREATHE in Breathe out breathe in STOP Run through fields that won't stop being green cold lovely even though they change morph melt merge like the insides of my mind after so long without smoke curling through my veins heart lungs NEEDING the steady chaotic destruction set in motion years months lifetimes ago REMEMBERING so little of promises lies laughter that only rings out loud in waves like nausea THINKING of unhappier times when the world was still the right way up even though it was easier harder the same and right things were decided by how hard it was to do them NOW it's burning cold hot CONFUSING me utterly completely entirely even though it's easier nicer more comfortable despite words running through my head like so much for Undying LOYALTY and becoming someone else for someone else who turns to someone else until I am you and you are me and there is no me because there is no you except things change morph blur like LINES that were crossed obeyed cut into little dots that rearrange themselves into rants that no one UNDERSTANDS including those they bleed from like rain tears vodka FORGETTING remembering wanting needing hating leaving because there are only so many things to choose from when decisions that can't be made are made in the vacuum of facts information MEMORIES that need to be buried with good and bad and good and bad until windows are closed against the cold November air except it's the wrong room state world because movies are NOT real life though they creep crawl laugh their way in while I lean against the cold metal bars looking at glowing lights that mock taunt laugh ECHOING endlessly until I leave quit die.
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Now playing: Red Hot Chili Peppers - Otherside
via FoxyTunes
I lean closer to the cold white bars hoping believing needing to think that the glowing lights in the sky are fake unreal false just like the lying comfort offered by a box full of twenty entire cigarettes knowing that we'll only crush destroy burn BREATHE in Breathe out breathe in STOP Run through fields that won't stop being green cold lovely even though they change morph melt merge like the insides of my mind after so long without smoke curling through my veins heart lungs NEEDING the steady chaotic destruction set in motion years months lifetimes ago REMEMBERING so little of promises lies laughter that only rings out loud in waves like nausea THINKING of unhappier times when the world was still the right way up even though it was easier harder the same and right things were decided by how hard it was to do them NOW it's burning cold hot CONFUSING me utterly completely entirely even though it's easier nicer more comfortable despite words running through my head like so much for Undying LOYALTY and becoming someone else for someone else who turns to someone else until I am you and you are me and there is no me because there is no you except things change morph blur like LINES that were crossed obeyed cut into little dots that rearrange themselves into rants that no one UNDERSTANDS including those they bleed from like rain tears vodka FORGETTING remembering wanting needing hating leaving because there are only so many things to choose from when decisions that can't be made are made in the vacuum of facts information MEMORIES that need to be buried with good and bad and good and bad until windows are closed against the cold November air except it's the wrong room state world because movies are NOT real life though they creep crawl laugh their way in while I lean against the cold metal bars looking at glowing lights that mock taunt laugh ECHOING endlessly until I leave quit die.
----------------
Now playing: Red Hot Chili Peppers - Otherside
via FoxyTunes
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Paharganj - I
“Delhi’s den of Debauchery”
Not only does it sound cool, it fits. I must thank Sir Loon for the name. And while I’m at it, for the entire trip. I wanted to write this sooner, when everything was still fresh in my rapidly-degenerating mind, but I haven’t gotten around to being sober much. Why am I writing this today? Because today I’m exhausted, awake and clean. More or less anyhow.
Paharganj happened last Saturday. After a successful con, I got dropped off at the Metro Station at CP. My mother bought some KFC stuff for my brother and then left, albeit reluctantly, leaving Sir Loon and me to wait for the 6 other people that were supposed to show up. It’s true; lies don’t even ruffle your conscience after a point.
Anyhow, before taking the Subway, we wandered into the giant geometrical park. Actually, “wandered into” isn’t honestly what we did. We ran about crossing roads and climbing stairs until we found the deserted park. Why was it deserted? Because it was now Noon. This meant that the bright summer Sun was a straight nuke-powered arrow away from the top of our respective heads. (And it can do that because it’s the sun. Really huge, millions of miles away, etc). And we’re talking Delhi June here. For the fortunate and blissful ignorant, that means that the temperature calmly crosses 40 degrees Celsius whenever it feels like. In short, you’d have to be fucking insane to be wandering about in a park at Noon. Or in real need of a safe place to smoke some marijuana.
Once slightly stoned, we were prepared to take the next step. “The CP metro station is always crowded”, Sir Loon said, with the air of a co-conspirator, as we walked down the clean shiny slope that marked the entrance to the underground station. “That’s ‘cause it’s a main junction and every line passes through here.” How Crowded?, was all I could think of, as I told myself over and over that I had done this before. And I had quite loved the whole subway trip. But that was from another vaguely remembered life…
At first, it didn’t seem all that bad. But then, as the “train” got nearer, all these strange people materialized out of thin air. And we were carried into the shiny silver box along with the busy, harassed looking janta. Yes, I liked the whole experience better the first time around. But that’s probably only because there weren’t so many people back then. Using the Metro, I mean. Still, the journey was uneventful and quick, and next thing I knew, we were at the station with the… holy sounding name (that will be found out and mentioned. Sorry.)
To Be Continued...
That’s all for now. Part 2 (and 3?) shall take a recorded form of existence sometime later. I’m tired and sober, remember? I have to fix that. At least half of it. Later gators. :P
.
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Now playing: Emotional Attyachar (Rock Version) - ApnaMela.Com -
via FoxyTunesSunday, January 18, 2009
khan, priya, gk, sarojni: wt better place in the world
"khan, priya, gk, sarojni: wt better place in the world"
That would be the status message of one of my classmates. The answer is easy, "Pecos, Palace Grounds, Blossoms, Noon Wines: That place".
It's strange how much I miss Bangalore. But I don't really know if it's the city that I miss or the amazing freedom I have there. If I was there right now... I could have been in town, or at least smoking at gate 1. Even if I was in my hostel, I could have been heading up to my terrace for a cigarette and a nice long phone conversation.
Instead, here I am, counting days. I need to keep myself distracted. I need to find something to do. If I don't, I'm going to go insane. I need to 'feed my head'.
Anyway, the plan for tomorrow involves leaving home early(ish) in the morning and going for a nice long walk. I could smoke somewhere on the way... hopefully. I'll carry enough cash for an auto just in case I lose my way, though I do realize if that were to happen, I would just end up wandering around till I found my way back.
I just hope it all works out. Otherwise, I'll have to move on to Plan B. Damn it.
That would be the status message of one of my classmates. The answer is easy, "Pecos, Palace Grounds, Blossoms, Noon Wines: That place".
It's strange how much I miss Bangalore. But I don't really know if it's the city that I miss or the amazing freedom I have there. If I was there right now... I could have been in town, or at least smoking at gate 1. Even if I was in my hostel, I could have been heading up to my terrace for a cigarette and a nice long phone conversation.
Instead, here I am, counting days. I need to keep myself distracted. I need to find something to do. If I don't, I'm going to go insane. I need to 'feed my head'.
Anyway, the plan for tomorrow involves leaving home early(ish) in the morning and going for a nice long walk. I could smoke somewhere on the way... hopefully. I'll carry enough cash for an auto just in case I lose my way, though I do realize if that were to happen, I would just end up wandering around till I found my way back.
I just hope it all works out. Otherwise, I'll have to move on to Plan B. Damn it.
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