Nothing but the truth

By the Court Clerk: Please repeat after me, "I swear by Almighty God ..."

By the Witness: I swear by Almighty God.

Clerk: That the evidence that I give ...

Witness: That's right.

Clerk: Repeat it.

Witness: Repeat it.

Clerk: No! Repeat what I said.

Witness: What you said when?

Clerk: That the evidence that I give ...

Witness: That the evidence that I give.

Clerk: Shall be the truth and ...

Witness: It will, and nothing but the truth!

Clerk: Please. Just repeat after me, "Shall be the truth and ..."

Witness: I'm not a scholar, you know.

Clerk: We can appreciate that. Just repeat after me, "Shall be the truth and ..."

Witness: Shall be the truth and.

Clerk: Say, "Nothing ..."

Witness: Okay. [Witness remains silent]

Clerk: No! Don't say nothing. Say, "Nothing but the truth ..."

Witness: Yes.

Clerk: Can't you say, "Nothing but the truth ...?"

Witness: Yes.

Clerk: Well? ... Do so.

Witness: You're confusing me.

Clerk: Just say, "Nothing but the truth ..."

Witness: Is that all?

Clerk: Yes.

Witness: Okay. I understand.

Clerk: Then say it.

Witness: What?

Clerk: "Nothing but the truth ..."

Witness: But I do! That's just it.

Clerk: You must say, "Nothing but the truth ..."

Witness: I will say nothing but the truth!

Clerk: Please, just repeat these four words "Nothing," "But," "The" "Truth."

Witness: What? You mean, like, now?

Clerk: Yes! Now. Please. Just say those four words.

Witness: "Nothing. But. The. Truth"

Clerk: Thank you.

Witness: I'm just not a scholar you know.


Source: http://www.re-quest.net/g2g/humor/courtroom/index.htm